WAR: Forever a Noob



I have decided Badunion is not a man but an entire legion.
It's the only explanation.

When I was a toddler I used to think that if I strained myself when going to the bathroom my heart may come out with the undesirables and I'd die. Although there's a bottom (*snicker*) of truth to this, I eventually learned otherwise. My point being, people evolve and better themselves. There's always room for growth and one may literally learn something new every day.

Take yesterday. Yesterday, after a weekend of leveling Drquinn, Medicine Gobbo in T1, I went back to my main in T4 and, after an embarrassingly bad run through Altdorf, we were convinced - by the last of a short line of Blackguards to inspire me - to give ToVL a go. So I grabbed my Magus and off we went.

Upon finishing the quest to open the door, Chioko, for it was he, gathered us up and whispered:

'I have a secret, you know...'

'Oh really,' we all said. 'Pray tell, oh wise Chico, what is this fabulous secret you hold?'

'Well', he said coyly, 'I know how we can manipulate what mobs we get in the fifth boss fight.'

'Why, Chico! This is wonderful news!' We all nodded approvingly and carried him on our shoulders until we got to the third boss.

'Now,' he said knowingly, 'we need to kill honored dead. You will notice they have different names like "Honored Curate" and "Honored Champion". The 10 honored dead we kill now will be the ones we'll have to fight when we get to the fifth boss.'

'OOOOOH!' was the response we all agreed upon. Because it kind of made sense. In a way. So we killed every single champion and two adepts. They seem to be the easiest ones to deal with. We were really excited about this. We all had our share of bad memories regarding the fifth boss. It is an annoying fight with a lot of randomness and the ability to control what mobs you get makes it a LOT more manageable. But if you knew about this you might have noticed a slight contradiction. Maybe not a contradiction, maybe more of an inconsistency, an untruth. A fail. We'll get to it shortly.



Dextrose killed by Aeo and company.
I've gotten much better since. Honest!



During the third boss I also learned something useful for a healer. It seems that he puts up a curse on people that makes them deal less damage and healers are supposed to cleanse it. I never knew. Honestly. But in this honesty I must also place the blame on Lil. Yes, you read me. He was the first healer I ever ran ToVL with and I never heard of this curse then. I never cleansed it (I don't even know if I can) but we never needed to to down it. Oh well. It doesn't matter. At least now I know. And I still look up to him. I think I always will.

You see, we were so excited with this third boss thing we even wiped once or twice but after we did kill it and breezed through the 4th one (which is still the same boss) we get to the 5th boss (which is still the same boss) and guess what mobs we find? Yes. Three Curates and two Occultists. Exactly the ones we didn't kill. Oh... right... So, I guess he can only use the mobs we didn't bash to a dusty pile. That kind of makes sense. More sense.

Well, now we know and, as they say:





Surviving Real Life, Barely

So real life's been a bit shitty lately. This internship is gobbling up most of my time. Even now I'm typing very slowly as to not make much noise and call attention to myself. The work itself is certainly not up my creek: organizing credit applications for people qho can´t afford them. Why someone that makes 600€ a month takes out a 10.000€ loan to pay 3.000€ worth of credit card debt is beyond me. And I'm helping this. And I hate it.

It's the same thing country-wise. So our international debt is paying paid off by some entity that's gonna charge us the same amount plus 6% interest? So, if we couldn't pay our debts before why would we pay them this time? What's the point? Greedy bastards, the lot of them.

Anyways. On to happier topics.

I've got nothing. I've been playing WAR on an almost daily basis. Just had a ToVL run yesterday. Managed to take a relatively green group up to the 7th boss. I rocked some awesome comebacks on near wipes in trash mobs but I was getting a bit bitchy and testy when we got to the 5th one. Seriously, what's with that? What's with the annoying bosses that are just annoying for the sake of being annoying?

I get most bosses. The first one tests your ability to kockdown. Always a handy skill to have. The second tests my individual ability to kite, regardless of lag. The third tests, for a healer, their HoTs effectiveness and for everyone, tests their spatial awareness and reflexes in jumping out of bombs. The 4th boss tests how well you work in a team and how well you can keep an eye and assist your fellow team-mates.

Now the 5th boss tests... your luck in NPC pathing, your luck in the mobs you get, your luck with parrying, your absolute luck with critical heals. Even if you know your place, your rotation, your duty, even if you know the sure-fire route to PvE victory, WAR weaves a bit of its PvP soul into it, adding a scent of unpredictability. I think that's why they keep the dungeon buggy. So it's always different, always novel in a weird non-agreeable way. Like when the 5th boss drops from the world and takes a stroll around the third boss' turf (he is, in fact the 3rd, 4th and 5th boss so I guess he's entitled).

And if by some miracle only one person dies and you make it to the sixth boss you then have to cope with the most horrendously boring PvE encounter ever designed. I wouldn't even mind having to heal thrice as much if it would take a third of the time to down them. Then when we're 20% of one scorpion's health away from winning I get swallowed by the world and I get a bit more testy.

By the time you get to the 7th boss you've seen enough of egyptian themed mobs to poke your eyes out. Getting all the aura colors right and fleeing the running mobs and not bumping into clouds can be a bit overwhelmind, seeing as all you've been doing for the last 10-30 minutes of your life has been banging on scorpions and jumping up and down on pillars.

If by some weird twist of fate you get to the 8th boss (after you've dealt with the bird staircase of doom) be prepared to learn his speech by heart because groups tend to get a bit wipey before getting its working down pat.

Well this turned out a bit like a short guide to ToVL which wasn't my intention at all. I've got so much stuff I want to share and so little time to do it in. Weird that it was ToVL what I ended up blabbing about. I don't particularly enjoy doing it past the third boss and I don't really need to do it anymore, not in my main anyway (which is the only one geared well enough for it).

I wanted to talk about my Little Big Planet adventures or my Tribulations with Phoenix Wright. Maybe finally write up a review of ME, ME2, DA or DA2. Or even talk about that inspiring city siege the other day when we turned things around so astoundingly that we were called 'unfair'.

But I write unscripted as silly as that may seem, and I don't have enough time to purge all my thoughts to keyboard.

Oh well. Here's an unrelated thingy that always cheers me up.