Cool Story, Sis

Wrath of Heroes: In Need of a Gentleman Caller

2012-02-27T12:14:00.000Z

Hmmm, yes I know how that sounds.

While I wait for further developments on several fronts, I've occupied some weekends playing the closed beta of BioWare Mythic's WAR inspired F2P, Wrath of Heroes.

If you're familiar with WAR but not so much WOH, so it goes that the game consists of basic scenario play with three factions, distinct from each other by color alone. You can pick from a variety of Heroes to play from, including Glowjob (I know that's not his name) the Shaman, Conrad the Warrior Priest and Korith the Shadow Warrior. For more detailed information go here. Or maybe ask me for it. But this is not what I'm here for right now.

You have the choice of pugging it out, hoping for a semi-cohesive group with people that half-know what they're doing (lol) or you can group up in a warband of six beforehand. The game actually incites you to group up as it not only reduces the time you have to wait for a pop but also awards you with more money at the end of a battle.

It's dangerous to go alone. Take this!

WOH has made something I used to know very clear again to me: it's all about the group as a whole. Just today (which is not actually today but more like two days ago) I was invited to a warband as soon as I logged on. I had no idea who had invited me and ended up amid strangers. Being the friendly healer that I am, I set forth to do my job, hoping that this Warband was somehow seasoned and people had pretty much figured out that the basic strategy for winning in a game where heals are restricted to AoEs is to stick together. How wrong I was. Six people spread as further as you can get in Mourkain Temple. So I facepalmed my way through a few scenarios, making what I hope were helpful suggestions but getting a lot of CAPS in reply.

Luckily for me, my effort was noticed by the leader of another Warband and I got a tell after a scenario was over praising me on my healing and asking if I needed to group up. Maker, yes. So I casually dropped the dysfunctional band I was with and accepted a new invite. And what a difference skill makes. In a game that has no gear or over-the-top skill customization, knowing what you're doing and grouping with like-minded individuals is all it takes to win.

Wrath of Heroes recently implemented something called Perks in their Heroes' mastery trees. These are skills that become available for activating once a certain criteria is met. The best thing about this is that you can buy one Hero and buy his Perk to utilize it on another Hero entirely. I say "best thing" because I haven't had to pay real money for Heroes yet. I guess that if I had it would be... not so great. But I digress.

The Skaven Hero has a Perk in his tree that allows him to turn into a Rat Ogre after a 13 assist streak. As a Skaven, assist streaks are a bit harder to get as it is a damage focused stealther. But as a healer... well... as long as your team is killing things, assist streaks are a dime a dozen. You can see where this is going, right?

Once I found a pretty decent Warband to join, things started melting like butter. Our six-man party consisted, most of the times, of three Shamans, the odd Warrior Priest, and two Engineers, sometimes a White Lion. When I got to use the Perk, the remaining healers did their best to keep me up and quite successfully. I once said I hated healers. I might have to recant that statement. The Rat Ogre has a pull on a one second cooldown (ô_Ô) and a knockdown with impressive damage on maybe a three second cooldown. It is enough to roflstomp most things without prejudice. If, added to that, you manage to find a boost that triples your damage, like I did that one time, you can knock things down for 1000 damage. 1k is the maximum hp of a Shaman. So the Rat Ogre is fun. It is serious fun.

But I still haven't explained the title of this post, have I? Well.

Since joining an organized guild I became accustomed to a certain degree of organization in cooperative endeavors, especially when these endeavors consist of getting other things deaded. The main thing I miss about these groupings are the target callers. We'd always have one. As you would imagine, an enemy goes down faster when it has six people bashing it down than just one. A target caller, a person that can discern what enemy should go down first and says so, can be the most valuable weapon a faction has. It's the hand that guides the spear... or something equally poetic.

Managed a 15 kill streak before I died.
And since I'm horrible at staying alive, that's quite impressive.

Although we didn't have a target caller per se, WOH allows players to ping locations on the map, an easy, simple, straight forward way to get people where you want them. The main problem with this is that without a human actually yelling at them to move their fat asses, most people will take pinging more as suggestions than orders.

I've said it before and I shall say it again. Most of us players are mere sheep. Granted, some sheep provide better wool than others, but sheep. There are a few of us, though (no, I don't count myself among them) that are shepherds. (Ah, Shepard...) They'll guide the herd to safety and victory. These become your guild leaders, your warband leaders, your target callers.

And I wish I had one in real life.

WTF: Five Stages of Getting Over Yourself

2012-02-25T11:57:00.000Z

WTF (Weekend Top Five) sounds much better than WTT doesn't it? No, its not a matter of laziness at all. Pfft.

Another post for posterity even if just my own.

For a change let's start at 1 and work our way up.

1. Disbelief

A brief moment when you can't believe you have to start all over again. But why is the rum gone?

2. Mourning

And then you realize you do and you take a moment to consider what the hell just happened.

3. Acceptance

Finally you're able to just look back and laugh at the whole thing and take it for what it's worth, hopefully remembering more good than bad.

4. New Interests

Not that you wanted to, but your mind branches out searching for something new to cling to.

5. Re-Attunement

In the end (harr de harr harr), you decide to let sleeping dogs lie and life take its course and leave yourself open to like and love new experiences, things and people. And the helicopter.

I have to start posting more cheerfully. It might sound I'm depressed or something.

Oh fine, here.

Have another butt crack.

Mass Effect 3: "Hi, My Name's Kaidan. Where're The Geth?"

2012-02-24T03:00:00.000Z

I had a much worse title for this post but, watching the livestream interview with Raphael Sbarge, he dropped this line and I thought it a shame to let it go to waste.

We've been waiting for this one for a very long time, haven't we? Since the first one, actually, we knew it was coming. And word around the grapevine is that ME3 won't be the last of the universe we'll see. I read this on a magazine and I'm hoping they didn't mean more DLC. *shakes fist*. There's mention in there of an MMO but... well, we'll just have to wait and see.

But the demo came out recently didn't it? So let's talk about that.

I had previously mentioned that the whole reason that I wanted and eventually acquired a Kinect was ME3 and its voice commands feature. I was pleased to confirm that the game didn't give a rat's ass about the Kinect not allowing voice commands on the dashboard. It even has an option so you can choose your accent. I am yet to fool around with that one but it sounds promising.

Remarkably, voice commands were the last thing I tried on the demo. Throughout the first part I was way too hyped about killing things and finding a safe way to my ship to even remember to say anything. But then they kindly reminded me that I could and so I did. I started off giving off simple commands I was sure it'd understand like "Garrus, Overload" and "Liara, Warp" and then moved to "Garrus, Sniper Rifle" or "Liara, take point." All worked just fine. You can also talk to Shepard telling him/her to open doors or interact with obejcts but that, to me, just seems a bit excessive. While talking to your party members might add to the experience as a whole, talking to yourself is just a bit... sad. Overall I was pleased with the experience. Let's see how I adapt to it when not playing in the easiest difficulty setting.

Speaking of FemShep (I just did, didn't I?) I was pleased, like must of us were, that they decided to acknowledge how popular FemShep was and invest in her image and publicity. What I was not happy about was the obscene amount of make up she seems to be wearing. "Oh, the Reapers are here, are they? Let me just apply my eye shadow and I'll be right there."

The one thing I'm yet to give a whirl is the multiplayer. They sure tried to hype it up but I just wasn't in the mood or had the means to do it. But the sheer fact that they have hyped it makes me shy away from it. Dunno. Maybe it's good. I'll wait and see.

It served it's purpose, the demo. It got me a spoiler-free insight into the overall feel and gameplay and sated my ME thirst for a few weeks.

But did I just hear they are going to have DLC for it from day one? With a mother-fucking PROTHEAN in it? A race extinct for thousands of years? Oh Boo, EA. Boo.

Life in MMOs For The Financially Impaired

2012-02-22T17:49:00.001Z

What am I doing sneaking in at this hour of the night? Let's just say my mind and soul have been... entangled in other more... draining endeavors. Or some such. Oh, let's just not go there lest I begin to blush.

While employment seems a far-off chance in a place with 35% of so-called youngsters being unemployed, I turned my attention to F2P models. The fruits of the labor of so many that decide to share their worlds with us for (seemingly) nothing at all is particularly appealing, specially now that I blew the last of my savings on pre-ordering Mass Effect 3. I played the demo, giggled an obscene amount of times, tested the voice-activation, frowned at the amount of hugs I was denied from party members and promptly decided I could wait no longer. And so it was that I turned my attention to the world of "Free to Play"s

The first I decided to try was Star Trek Online. I'd heard interesting things about the game and I do like space, or the idea of space at least. I figured I might as well give it a whirl if the only thing they were charging was disk space. And so I rolled a healing type character which ended up meaning a support-type ship most of the time. I honestly hadn't expected the bulk of the game to revolve around my ship and that may be the reason why I haven't picked it up again. You see, I am terrible at navigation and seeing as I can neither swim, ride a bike, drive a car or stand up straight in roller-blades, one can say I'm not terribly good at basic locomotion either. Maneuvering a ship on a three-dimensional space while taking care not to blow up and attempting to shoot things down all at the same time proved to be a bit too draining. Plus, going through all that alone ended up not being as satisfying as I'd hoped.

I remembered I brought a copy of GuildWars with me from my previous life and thought that, since that one was already paid for, I might occupy my time with that. Also, I have heard of interesting things about GW2s three-faction open world WvWvW (read PvP) and this could be a good opportunity to re-acclimate to the environment and feel of the developers. Sadly, GuildWars demands I recall the name of one of my characters to be able to log in. I laughed hard, thought harder and then laughed a bit more. No, that wasn't going to happen.

I had also heard there was this new closed beta up of something called Tribes: Ascend. I had no idea what it was but I thought I had the time and the will to try something new and shiny and free. So, after some hardship, I successfully downloaded the game and it sits there still, untouched. I'm not sure if I'm afraid of outright sucking at a PC shooter or if I'm just too drained to configure my G13 to yet another experiment.

Then I heard Aion was also going F2P and, at the behest of a very compelling third-party, I decided to go try that one next. Unfortunately the F2P version has been announced, has been tested, is all but ready but not out yet. So I am down 30 gigabytes of disk space for yet no good reason.

So, at the moment, I'm waiting for Rift to finish patching since I heard they have a free trial now. Maybe that'll keep my thirst for healing sated until tomorrow. See, Wrath of Heroes' closed beta is up again tomorrow and, despite all its faults, I end up having a good time with it and with an F2P, that's all you really want, right?

Blizzard Must Be Getting Worried

2012-01-22T19:23:00.001Z

I wouldn't believe it if you told me but... there's a World of Warcraft commercial going around.

I can't in all honestly say if this was the first WoW ad to ever grace Portuguese television screens but I can say that they're everything but common. It's the first I've ever come across.

First thought that crossed my mind was "oh, TOR must be making a dent."

That's it. That's what I took time from my busy schedule to come tell you. :3 I'm a sweetie, I know.

You know how they say that looking for a job is a full-time job in itself? Well, it's not, but it sure is tiresome and frustrating.

Here, let me leave you with something a bit more rewarding.

My ass is behind the camera, not in front.

They're Killing Us

2012-01-13T20:35:00.000Z

I'm not a politically conscious person. I've never been even remotely into politics or kept up to date with the state of affairs. I should, I know. These men and women are shaping the world I live in, I might as well know what's going on. Well, my posture might be about to change as they seemed to have finally started shamelessly killing us.

For someone on the outside, the economic crisis that is currently sweeping smaller European nations might seem overplayed. But from the inside your blood chills when you start paying attention to what's really happening.

I won't lie, some things might not be how I'll phrase them further down but this is what I've heard. This is what reaches the little people, the politically illiterate.

The most important aspects of our civilization used to be represented and managed by a Ministry: the Ministry of Education, the Ministry of Health, so on, so forth, such like. We had a Ministry for Culture. They decided it was too expensive and we didn't need it.

The national health system used to be (mostly) free; for more crucial, life-saving drugs and treatments the government would pay the bulk of the price if not it's entirety; now, it has been proposed that anyone over the age of 70 with kidney problems that requires to undergo dialysis pay for it in full from their own purse. Dialysis costs €2000 a month. If they can't pay they can't get it and if they can't get it they die.

Young graduates have been advised to jump ship and look for work abroad.

They have been closing down hospitals, clinics and maternity wards. Even the pediatric liver transplant center. As a result, waiting lists have skyrocketed, people need to drive for miles or even to Spain to get to a hospital and children have died as a result.

Some people getting government aid were mistakenly given more money than they should have (around 570 million euros over the years). They are now ordered to pay back the money they were given with funds they didn't have to begin with.

The average pension for a retired person in Portugal is €400 a month. Some people in public office (in the present or past) are paid €600.000 a year.

Ports have been shut down for a week, workers strike

Mass transportation stops almost once a week, workers strike.

The government declared workers (and not just public servants, the private sector as well) should work an extra half hour a day. Employers stated they didn't feel that was the right approach and have claimed they would rather cut their worker's pay by 20% instead.

The Madeira Autonomous Region had a budget hole of over 1000 million Euros they only recently disclosed to the mainland. Their government hasn't the money to pay public servants in the next two months.

Also, that said government has failed to pay back pharmacies for the drugs they had been selling. Thee pharmacies were owed 77 million Euros from drugs the government was supposed to make available for the people. They failed to pay. Now patients with blood pressure afflictions must dish out around €60 for a box of pills.

A large number of people in positions of power have recently been outed as Freemasons and although I could care less what they believe in or where they shove their fingers in the late hours of the night, I'm concerned of where their loyalties lie and to what lengths they'll go to help and protect their "brothers".

This is madness. This isn't Sparta, this isn't Portugal, this is just shit. More than angry it frightens me. People who have worked their whole lives and have set aside some of their every paycheck so they would have their money back in their golden years are being shamelessly robbed, the government cutting their pension because "times are tough". People who have worked two jobs to do that same things now see only half of their money given back to them because "times are tough". Old people with measly pensions are denied vital drugs and treatments because "times are tough". Seems they're hoping we'll go gentle into that good night so they can stop paying pensions or healthcare all together. Weren't we supposed to be part of the so-called "civilized" world?

And where the fuck is all this money heading anyway? Who are we paying it back to? Europe? And who in Europe is in more dire need of money than us here, dying hungry in our sleep? So, we've been living above our means? I don't doubt that but why realize it now? Is it because the world is coming to an end and we better get our affairs in order?

The thing is we have no one to turn to, no one we believe will step up and take charge and make everything better for us and not themselves. We've been proven time and time again that all they'll do is blame problems on past regimes and kneel down to stronger economic powers.

Seems to me only Coca-Cola still believes in us.

Mass Effect: Revisited and Dissected

2012-01-05T09:55:00.000Z

Not so long ago, though it seems a lifetime, I replayed Mass Effect. I wanted to have the "perfect" save game for the upcoming ME3 and so I decided that the best thing to do was just replay the whole two first games.

When you come back to a game you love you take it with a pinch of salt brought on by detached perspective. That's what happened to me and I found a completely new set of things to love and hate about it.

Let's take one of the trailers.

Now, if you've played the game you'll notice a few things aren't quite right with this trailer. Noveria isn't actually in such a dire need for help as it may sound here. In fact, most of the people in Noveria are having drinks at the hotel bar or busy with their corporate espionage shenanigans. At best, Noveria has a slight bug problem in a remote research facility and this problem is being kept very much on the down low. None of those big mushroom clouds the trailer starts off with. Besides, you have to stop by Noveria eventually, its a mandatory storyline development. Another thing is that Caleston isn't actually an important place in the game. I'm not even sure it is explorable (although you can survey it in Mass Effect 2). It may just be one of the N planets that you go to to complete sidequests you stumble into. So what can we deduce from this? Noveria is making a big fuss over very little and Shepard has decided to go off and drive around his Mako for a while before actually heeding that overly dramatic distress call. But I'm just nitpicking

While we're at it let's discuss the Mako: without a doubt one of the sorest points of the game. Many rose up against its impossible controls and the usefulness of the thing as a vehicle. To be truthful, the Mako handles like a drug-frenzied baboon thrown off a gelatinous cliff tied to a bungee cord. You don't get much satisfaction from driving it. In fact, if you attempt to actually drive it you will most likely end up belly up in a ditch on a remote planet followed by a Game Over screen because Shepard is all about saving the galaxy and not hauling his ass out of a turtled vehicle and righting it. God forbid. The best way to get any handle on the thing is to simple turn its nose to where you want to go and keep pressing forward without any attempt of steering it whatsoever. In most cases, you'll get there, minus a little vehicle health.

The story is exactly as I remembered it, meaning it's good. Characters (except the two semi-optional ones) have enough depth that you can really get to like them or not at all. For instance, I love Wrex but I could do well without Liara and her 160 years of stuck-upness.

The human companions (the aforementioned semi-optional) are, for the most part, negligible. Ashley has that whole bigot thing going for her but, for personal reasons, that was never my thing so the gut-wrenching moment of deciding who lives or dies was made pretty easy. Kaidan, well... Kaidan is just the guy, like the one you'll bang because he's the only guy there. The voice casting helps, making him a bit more loveable to all things straight with a vagina. Males unexceptionally hate him because they hated Carth. And Kaidan is Carth, minus the stuttering, we all know this. He was put on this earth to please us little Carth groupies.

The whole game has a very distinct feel due to, in great part, the soundtrack. After listening to it out of context I realized it has much of the Blade Runner about it and although I was initially resistant to the song that plays during the credits, I eventually became a fan. Imho, it's so cheesy it works. And who can not love the sheer epicness of the main theme? To be honest, I only realized the piece's true worth after wrapping up Mass Effect 2 and heard the Suicide Mission adaptation of it. But it's going on my top ten favorite instrumentals of all time.

But, in the end, for me Mass Effect lost some points on the whole elevator business. Not elevators in general, mind you. I kind of like it when my companions banter. In fact, I spent a lot of time in Dragon Age finding banter trigger points so I could pass over them frequently just to hear the dialogue. No, my gripe is with that very specific lift I like to call the TLX 008 WXM AT. In that one single place I would have preferred a loading screen.

There's more I could say but the game speaks for itself. All things considered, not the best of games for a shooter lover but a solid title and a good jump-start for bigger and better things.

Comfort Food

2012-01-03T21:44:00.000Z

So. Yeah. Might have left this on a bit of a depressing tone. But bad things happen and you deal. Life is for the living and all that.

While I grieve the loss of my old life and start building a new one I'm planning on drowning my sorrows on a few oldies but goldies I found lying around. I might pick up Dragon Age or KotOR again. Funny how I find most solace in Bioware. Funny or predictable. Your choice.

Also amusing is that I am now apparently the proud owner of a retail copy of World of Warcraft which spiked my interest for about 3 seconds. GuildWars is sitting right next to it, though... Hmmm.

Well, I prolly won't have much time for playing whatever anytime soon, just a few minutes/hours at bed time. Packing and unpacking is always a bitch and I should know, I've done a whole lot of it these past few years.

I just hope I actually get to play something soon so I'll have less gloomy things to post about.

one of those days

2012-01-01T13:18:00.000Z

You know those days when you wake up after 30 minutes of sleep in unfamiliar and uncomfortable surroundings? Still, you wash your face and muster some determination to march forward and do something good and worthwhile and you even find a song to get you through the day with a smile.

And then a friend calls you. You haven't seen this old friend in a long time, he's moved away and you've missed him. For half a second you think this might be a good time to catch up to go catch some air, maybe laugh a little at the whole thing. Until you hear the panic in his voice and as his world shatters so does yours as he tells you that what was once a common friend has died and he's in desperate need of help. As your knees falter and you crumble to the floor in a heaving heap of limbs your brain somehow manages to get him what he needs and you're left there, alone with news you're not sure how to process.

Because you'd never known someone that's died. Because you're not sure if you can handle more grief. Because you were never really close. Because you were maybe unkind and brutish when you shouldn't have been. Because you're not sure if you should but in.

And so you're left alone on the floor gasping for breath and begging for a minute, gladly forgotten for what feel like years instead of hours. You stare out at the gray sky that just yesterday was so warm, inviting and promising and you send through what little social feelers you might have that whatever might be wrong with you you'll gladly put aside to help. Because you don't want your friends to suffer and you don't want to add to that. So you're left to contemplate your own mortality and how petty some things ultimatly are, left alone to commit a final act of selfishness in a relationship that never really was. Again.

So. It's one of those days. One of those days when all you want is a hug but all you can do is rant on your special little ranting corner for the reading pleasure of people whose business it is not.

But hey. This blog is for me. Said so from day one. I'll need to see this one day, when I'm older and happier and look back pointing and laughing at sad little young me.

The Happiest of New Years

2012-01-01T01:00:00.000Z

Decided on a resolution. My resolution is simple: my mother knows best. I'm going to listen to her from now on.

Surprisingly upbeat today. I guess the closing of a door always means the opening of a window, my window being the chance to reinvent myself. No pressure this time, at least I don't think.

My mother always said that the best attitude was a "I'll show them" one. And I did say I'd always listen to her.

So here's to my mother, the wisest of them all. And hey 2012 means not only the end of the world but also the arrival of Mass Effect 3. That in itself is pretty damn good. The game part not the...

Happy New Year.

Going Out With a Bang

2011-12-31T02:29:00.000Z

Funny little sentence that one. Confortingly ambiguous. I wasn't refering to dying in a glorified and overly dramatic way (although similar thoughts pass through my mind at times), I was actually refering to the mere ending of the year. And what an ending this was. An ending of many things, things ending much more unexpectedly than a year.

I sit here, flooded with ideas but I find myself more concerned with catching my breath. Add a breakup to a cold and you get something really nasty, I kid you not. I shiver when I'm not cold and I sweat when I am. My kingdom for some anti-anxiety meds. But anyway.

Due to my newly discovered marital status, I'm waging I'll be pretty busy this next month what with the sobbing, uncontrolable drooling, outburst of manic histerical laughter and the running around trying to build a new life for myself. So, for once, I'll actually have a good excuse for being absent from here. Or I may just find the outlet soothing and start writing all the time.

Luckily for me I hear the gaming community is just ripe with sexy men who get paid tons of money. They better start lining up.

Happy New Year.

May 2012 spare the world so it might end a bit better than 2011.

A Scottish Christmas Tradition

2011-12-24T14:00:00.000Z

Let's get it out of the way. Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or whatever tickles your fancy.

I'm not a religious person and I'm not a fan of Christmas. I hate having to go Christmas shopping and I hate pretending to be happy to get things that I either don't want or need or like. In the rare occasions that a gift meets all those requirements I'm at a loss as to how I should express my gratitude and genuine happiness because my face is so set in cynical ways.

And yes, you could say I didn't have many good childhood memories of Christmas, although one year I could've sworn I saw Santa near my Christmas tree (even though we didn't have a chimney or even an open window). I would have to say that Christmas, for me, had a lot to do with cleaning and cooking, growing up. My mother wanted to make everything perfect so I could have those good memories but I guess that plan backfired. I hate cooking on Christmas. In fact, I'm more likely to cook Christmas treats in May than I am in December. And now that I acquired a large extended family, every other year I have to travel across the country to be with a lot of people I don't know, accepting gifts from people who wouldn't know the first thing about shopping for me, run around a strange land passing through three different households and having dinner twice and fending off advances from a 20ish year-old sexually frustrated cousin with Down syndrome. Fun times.

So let's talk of better things. Like the title. So.

Last year, around November or December, we were having our usual game night at our neighbors' when they brought out a souvenir his parents had brought from their trip to Scotland. For me, Scotland had never been more than the setting for Trainspotting and the birthplace of Duncan MacLeod of the clan MacLeod.

I'm sure the reason they went to Scotland in the first place was to dispel these myths of Highlanders in tartan kilts and strange creatures in the depths of lakes. What they brought back, however, was a strange but endearing mix of the two. We fell in love with this cross of Scottish ingenuity and Chinese manufacture, as a few parts of "Scotland the Brave" sounded a bit off. But we soon realized it had much more potential. You see, as you keep pressing its cute little bagpipes, Nessie starts erring more and more notes. It can get to a point where you forget how the original tune went and, seeing as we only pull out Nessie when we're anything but sober, your ability to breathe unhindered is severely limited.

The other day I was walking home and I wondered "what was that adorable little thing that made us laugh so hard around Christmas time last year?" I soon recalled Nessie and made it a tribute so I would never forget again.

I'll be gone by the time this publishes but I'll be back by the 26th or 7th.

Mini-WTT: Pet Peeves

2011-12-23T16:39:00.000Z

Yes, I know, it's not even the weekend yet! It's just the end of the week. Well... I have another post lined up for the actual weekend. I've been busy and I'll be even more so. So if you desperately missed me or are just bored at work, I'll leave you some lines to entertain you for a few minutes.

You know what I hate? Not a whole lot, I'm a very mellow person. But there are a few things I really can't stand.

3. Michael Jackson

Not a new pet peeve by any stretch but it has certainly escalated since his death. Why can't he stay dead? I don't see anyone rushing to produce two or three more Amy Winehouse shows/CDs/Experiences now that she's dead. I had little patience for the man-like entertainer when he was alive and dangling babies out of balconies but he's become downright unbearable now that he's dead. If Supernatural has taught us anything is that "what's dead should stay dead"

2. American Localization/"The Office" Phenomenon

I have nothing against the United States as a whole. In fact, it might be a very nice place to live for all I know and I' m sure it's filled with delightful people and others not so delightful, much like any other charted place on this our blue Earth. But what I can't swallow is the torrent of Americanized TV shows I've come across in the past few years, most of them copied directly from the Brits, those funny buggers. The first time I ever experienced this was with a show called "Coupling". I was a follower of the show, if not a die-hard fan. Imagine my surprise when I sat down to watch another episode and discovered I was watching the first episode again but with a different cast with an American accent. My mind couldn't process this aberration and the show was cancelled to the delight of all after just four episodes. I wasn't quite so lucky with the American version of "The Office". While I found the original version to be funny and sarcastic, most of the American version just comes on as a bit... sad.

On a related note, the complete opposite happened recently with the "reality" show "Wipeout" as in that it spawned in the US and birthed a myriad of international versions, including a British one. One of Fox's many channels here plays at least three versions of them each night and I was never sold on the American hosts. But that Richard Hammond, although not the funniest man to ever grace my screen, manages to make me chuckle more often than the other two's puns ever will. Plus, you don't get Americans calling themselves "Ginger Ninjas". Canadians, maybe.

1. Mario

I miss VGCats, don't you?

I cannot express in words how much I dislike this character. The overweight midget plumber with a mustache that would impede even the most voracious of animals to get any soup in. I hate him. I'm tired of him. Why would a child ever be fascinated by a plumber in overalls throwing fireballs at turtles is beyond me. They keep revamping it and remodeling it and putting him in new "exciting" scenarios. Why can't they just make another character for kids to look up to and play as? Every time I hear a "itsa me" I feel like snapping my index in someone's eye. I hate Mario and it should be impaled, burned at the stake while I dance naked around the fire in delirious ecstasy.

Saints Row: The Second

2011-12-16T07:00:00.000Z

While the rest of the world is busy with the polishing of their lightsabers or the rimming of their sky, I turned my attentions to an older but equally deserving title: Saints Row 2.

'But surely you must be aware that they released the third installment recently?' Ah, but I wasn't about to pay full price for a game I would most likely not enjoy.

Saints Row falls in a genre I like to call "thug-oriented sandbox" or "thugbox" for short. I was never a big fan. In fact, the last game of the kind I played was GTA3 so I was well behind the times. I'm as comfortable playing them as I am in sitting on a warm toilet seat. Still, I felt the need to drive around a bit and maybe buy some new clothes. Seeing as I can't actually drive and I have no budget for clothes this month, I struck a deal with Mike: he could have his SWTOR if I could have the same sum of money in Microsoft Points. Thus I acquired Saints Row 2.

I purchased it full aware that I was by no means the game's target audience. I value human life dearly since I grew up and realized my own mortality. So the prospect of going on killing sprees wasn't exactly the most appealing to me. The character customization and the city to explore were, all things I enjoyed in GTA3. That and the car radio.

I decided to plow through the game as non-nonchalantly as possible, doing as little bloodshed as possible. I absolutely abhor American gangsta culture so I was delighted when, in character creation, I was given a choice to go for a more... European approach to outlawing. Now, I was born in a world where every proper super villain/crime lord has a british accent, with Mojo Jojo being the obvious exception. More recently I fell head over heels in love with goody-two-shoes archetypes like Alistair in DA (thank you Mr. Valentine) and, to a lesser extent, Anders and Hawke himself in DA2. So off I went sporting what I heard called a "Cockney Accent". Has cock in it, will do. I was going to be stylish, I was going to be smooth, I would bring a taste of Old Country to those sunsabitches. And I would do it all in a snazzy suit. I made him ginger to boot. If you're going to be a prick, ginger pricks are sexiest, as a friend taught me not so many moons ago.

I have to say, I wasn't expecting much from the story at all, I just started going through it in the hopes of acquiring enough money to buy more expensive clothes. But, somehow, I got quite interested in it. At one point I stayed up until 6 in the morning just to take down those Sons of Samedi for good. I couldn't find the name of the guy that did my character's voice acting but I was pleasantly surprised. I remember thinking it could only get any better if it was Boots doing all the swearing. He has a knack for it.

One aspect I found completely hilarious is the way I started earning respect. How much respect you have dictates what missions you can embark on. More respect means more missions, more missions mean more story content and more respect earning opportunities. Your Style rating (the money you spend on your homes, your cars and your clothes) dictates how much bonus respect you gain by doing mundane things like nearly avoiding a traffic accident or shooting a rival hoodlum in the nuts.

Scene: Two ne'er-do-wells sitting on the curb, sharing a smoke. A faint sound creeps from around the corner, louder and louder, the sound of a roaring engine, an island voice asks if you can hear the thunder. The car turns sharply, leaving a trail of disembodied limbs and hot dog stands in its wake as it disappears as suddenly as it came, the islander advising a dash for cover.

'Did you just see that?'
'Yeah...'

A billow of smoke rises silently from his lips.

'That was one nice hat he had on...'
'Yeah...'

And so it was that I came to love the game, with all the running-over of animal mascots and indiscriminate RPG launching. Random NPC interaction lead to some golden comedy moments. Like that time when I was idled in an intersection, enjoying that hour's rendition of another 80s classic when I spotted an ambulance mowing down an old lady. She was having none of it, though and she pulled the EMT out and bashed him to death, leaving the ambulance to cause a massive traffic jam. Or when I decided to hijack one of my underlings cars but, instead of pushing out the driver like he'd insulted my father's virility, I sat in the drivers seat, with two of my three-man entourage taking the back, leaving the third on the sidewalk looking a bit miffed. He then took me for a little ride around town to the sound of Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries.

I developed a deep bond with my character, the one that took me on all those late night drives in the rain against cheap Styrofoam traffic lights. I grinned contently when I caught him singing along to A-Ha's 'Take on Me' while driving a boat through the sewers. And not just for a while, no, he sang the whole damn thing, even the nut-crunching chorus, and he sang it as poorly as a gangster ever should.

I got so attached to him that I took 2 hours of my life to dig out my old camera and tape a little tribute to him, my first ever at that.

Now excuse me while I go stylishly off some more rival thugs.

WTT: Most Memorable Anime, Pt2

2011-12-11T11:30:00.000Z

Ok, this is where the going gets tough. In all honestly, all of these have been at number 1 at some point in my life but I'm going to try really hard to prioritize them by all-time favorites. I hope you come to enjoy them as much as I do, one day.

5. GTO (Great Teacher Onizuka)

Here's where we separate the wheat from the chaff, the boys from the men, the one's who've seen GTO and the one's that had him as a teacher. Which would be nobody. But how cool would that be?

Onizuka Eikichi, 22 years old, is the teacher we all wished we had when we were still at the age of having teachers. His policy was tough love, his enforcer, his foot. He followed no law but the law of the streets and taught through popular culture metaphors. Onizuka was a showcase of all that could go wrong in the upbringing of a man in late 1990s Japan and he came back to give the kids what he had never had: a teacher that gave a shit.

The thing with anime is, it makes you love mediocre songs even if they're just that, mediocre. I for one became a L'Arc-en-Ciel fan after going through half the show.

4. Monster

Ah, Monster. How many lesser men have thrown in the towel at the sight of thy first five episodes. Meaning, if you can get past those the show becomes really good. It's become a sort of milestone for failed jumpstarts. Like say, if a show is really bad in the first few weeks, I'll say it pulled a Monster.

At first it's nothing but the story of a Japanese surgeon in Germany going through the motions of his daily life. It eventually spirals into a megaplot of serial-killing and cross-dressing. Yes, it's that good.

The soundtrack is hauntingly beautiful and if you're looking for something more down to earth this is the anime for you. In fact, it's the most sober and serious one on this list and once you're hooked on it you'll be ever so thankful that it is so very, very long. Well, not all the time. Sometimes you'll just wonder "hey, wasn't there a guy called Tenma in this show?"

3. Tengen Toppa Gurren Laggan

I seriously considered putting this one higher up there just because I love it so much. HYPE TRAINS BE DAMNED, THIS SHOW IS AWESOME! It's fucking awesome. I daresay its Fawesome.

From the same bunch that brought us the afore mentioned FLCL, comes this gem of a show about spirals. And if FLCL sports an unhealthy fascination with hands (it does, pay attention) this one is all about faces. Face robots and robots with two faces, faces, faces everywhere and the show is no worse for it.

The soundtrack is decent but it only gets better after the opening. The words "Fight da Powah!" are forever ingrained in my skull due to the over-the-top ending. And if this show is anything it is over-the-top. It boasts all other mecha-anime's clichés and it yells at you to love it. It yells in your face so hard you have no choice but to wipe the spit from your mug and love it.

It's exciting, it's fast-paced, it can be romantic and seeped in tragedy. I laughed till my cheeks hurt and I also wiped a small tear at the corner of my eye. But only because it was over and it was so GOOD.

2. Now and Then, Here and There (Ima, Soko ni Iru Boku)

Now and then, I've loved this show. This was the first time that I realised that most characters that share my name suffer a horrible lot in life. Truth be told, every character in this show suffers a horrible lot in life. That's just the way it is, somethings will never change.... Damn it, Bruce Hornsby!

No opening because, honestly, it's crap and it adds nothing to the show. This piece, however, is one of my all time favorites and earned Taku Iwasaki a place in my heart forever.

Shuu is a boy from the present that is sent to the future (ring any bells? Not yet? Ok.) After suffering yet another defeat in his "always picked last" existence he crosses paths with a young girl named LalaRu (still nothing?) She is then suddenly kidnapped by some foul people to do their foul bidding and Shu, armed with his trusty stick, journeys to a gruesome future to save her.

If you read part 1 closely this might begin to sound a bit familiar. Rightly so because there are that many parallels between Now and Then and Conan. You may also begin to remember that I underestimated it's impact on me and I have since (in all but 10 minutes) re-evaluated it's ranking.

I am not ashamed to say that my girly heart cried a few times watching this show. The soundtrack doesn't help as it is one of the best I've heard in any sort of entertainment medium (excluding books and perhaps theatre). If Monster is sober, this one is tear-jerking.

1. Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honnêamise (Honnêamise no Tsubasa)

One of the first, if not the actual first, full-length animes I ever watched. Needless to say, it struck a chord somewhere in me and I've always come back to it. Guess who's behind this masterpiece? Why GAINAX, of course. And haven't I mentioned them before? Maybe not by name but if we scrolled back I'm sure we'd bump into at least two more of their creations. Yes, it seems they were good at what they did even back in 1987.

So when people say stuff about Miyazaki's work being the best in anime full-length I chuckle and add in a condescending tone "poor child, come closer. Sit in my lap so I can tell you a tale of self-discovery that will blow your socks off." Then I add how Miyazaki finds touch technology like the iPad to be disgusting in that it mimics masturbation. That should get my point across.

Not only is the story of the movie quite good, following a man's journey from not being good enough to be a fighter pilot to being the first man to venture into space, but the soundtrack is amazingly good. If you've never heard of Ryuichi Sakamoto before now would be as good a time as any to give it a go. But maybe you watched Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence oblivious to what you were hearing. Just don't let it happen again.

Anyways, the movie is good. It's so damn good that I don't want to spoil it by writing about it here. I'll say only this: the animation was seriously above the rest considering this dates back from the 80s. So go watch it if you never did. In fact, go watch it even if you did. Beats jerking off your iPad.

And that's that. Hope you had as much fun reading this as I had searching for the videos.

WTT: Most Memorable Anime, Pt1

2011-12-10T11:30:00.000Z

Back, by popular demand, now in color! Its the all time favorite Weekend Top Ten, the most biased short list of whatever out here in this little corner of the interwebs.

A small mention to a few that didn't make the list. Full Metal Alchemist: it isn't here because I abhor hypes and this little gem inspired one of the most despicable and monstrous hype trains I ever did see; Urostukidoji, Legend of the Overfiend: even though it was the anime that introduced tentacle porn not only to myself but to the world, there were just more important things to discuss here; Genshiken: a very good insight on the traumatized existences of otakus in Japan but, again, so many better things to write about; Gokusen: I will reference later when we get to about number... 4?

Without further ado follows a list of what were and are the most memorable animes I ever had the pleasure of being exposed to.

10. Dragon Ball

Just as I remember it

When I was but a wee lass, the tv was filled to the brim with anime I didn't know were so. Captain Tsubasa and his magical kicks that took 3+ episodes to reach the goal and miss, Cinderela with it's 100+ episodes to tell a tale I could blurt out in 3 minutes; there were animals and boys and girls and villains and magical balloon rides that filled my childhood hours of wonder and my under-developed brain with colors and a second foreign language. Times were good indeed. But the one that stuck with me as I climbed the social ladder through all those years of public (and private) education was Dragon Ball.

It had all a young child needed to be exposed to. The underdog hero that got beat down by a clearly superior rival only to, by perseverance and hard work, come back meaner and stronger to ultimately become so powerful that he needed to die so that his awesomeness wouldn't destroy the universe. True story. As it were.

The comical voice over changes that occurred around this neck of the woods only helped to cement this beauty as one of the most defining shows to ever grace Portuguese television.

9. Kimi ni Todoke

Being a girl I sometimes feel the need to bathe my brain in more romantic entertainment. That's where Kimi ni Todoke comes in the picture. It was my soap for a few months, taking the place of Charmed after I devoured those 8 seasons. It's a fair bet that you won't appreciate this anime much if you aren't of the fairer sex. A bit too many negatives in that sentence but it still holds.

KnT is the story of a scary looking girl's crush over the most popular guy in school. And that's it really, that's all there is to it. But it's good at what it tries to be and I'll just leave it at that and get on with it.

8. Future Boy Conan (Mirai Shounen Conan)

Now, I didn't much like this anime at first but Mike eventually bought the DVD box and I watched the whole thing only to find myself rooting for Conan after a while.

Conan is a little boy who lives in the future. He is forever in pursuit of a little girl called Lana. She was kidnapped by some foul people for their foul biding. Through thick and thin and a variety of different ledges, Conan travels the sea in search of his friend accompanied always by a trusty stick.

Another anime you'll be hearing about tomorrow had a great impact in making me appreciate Conan all the more.

7. FLCL (FuriKuri)

You've heard of this. In hipster circles its right up there with Lain and to the most laid-back anime watcher its as recognizable as, say, the word Gundam. And for good reason: it's good. I'm not gonna put it up there in the top five because, once again, I detest hypes and, although I had a hell of a time watching this when it was first "discovered" my brain always responds to a hype with a snotty "well, it can't be that good".

The most memorable feature was and still is the soundtrack. This anime is solely responsible for introducing me to one of my favorite bands to this day even though, once again, I steer clear of the more popular songs by The Pillows.

And, come on: who didn't want to be Mamimi when they were a stupid kid?

6. Oruchuban Ebichu

Ah, the most lovable rodent to ever grace my laptop screen. Ebichu is the kind of critter you can rely on to co-relate the words nut and squirrel to spell clitoris for a good chuckle.

Although always terribly unsuccessful, Ebichu's only will is to improve the sex life of her Master and make her happy. She succeeds, however, in getting a good laugh from me at the sight of her splattered against a wall after interrupting a more torrid sexual encounter.

Definitely not one to watch with the kids.

That it for today! Hope you'll find it in your heart to give a few of these a try if you haven't already. Always a good alternative to going to the movies when all that's showing is penguin movies or things by Almodóvar.

Riping Off VG Soundtracks

2011-12-09T11:30:00.000Z

When I heard through the grapevine that they had used a piece from WAR's soundtrack in a promo for Fox's American Horror Story I felt in me the urge to expose a bit more of these blatant rip offs of game soundtracks. It happens quite frequently, people just don't notice because the target audiences for one medium and the other rarely meet. Except in me.

Example: where does TLC and The Sims cross paths? Me. You can imagine my disbelief and outrage when I hear something from The Sims 2 buy mode as background music for TLC's "Outrageous Kid Parties" promo. Mike believed me then but failed to raise an eyebrow in concern. Well, that wouldn't be the end of my battle for awareness to this issue. There were other instances where I've caught familiar samples of soundtracks in channel promos but damned if I could ever find them online, obscure as they were.

A few days after the TLC incident we were having dinner and on comes Solitary, a reality show in one of the multitude of Fox channels. This time I wasn't going to stay silent about it anymore. I absolutely loved this particular game and as soon as my brain unfroze and I realized what they had done I had to make it known. Mike didn't believe me on this one at first, seeing as he actually liked the show. But I showed him. And I'll show you.

The madness spreads. Mike began by turning his nose but there's no mistaking those strings.

Actually, I have mixed feelings about this, to be honest. Soundtracks are the unsung heroes of videogaming. I personally have spent way too many hours of my life burning images of menus on tv screens just because I liked the music as background for my daily chores. So, is it that wrong for other people to make use of someone's genius work and spread it further through another medium? Yes, it is, especially if credit isn't given to those who deserve it. But I like it that people who would otherwise never be exposed to them have and their lives are richer for it. In some miniscule way. Well, even if they don't know it, I do.

Impossible!

2011-12-08T11:30:00.000Z

Quiz!

The return of an old favorite. I have spent too many hours of my life playing, thinking and discussing this game. Parts of it have become folk legend like "Abundance" or "Marmite".

I never finished it but I figured out some of the more obscure answers. A classic in its own right.

Mind Altered Roleplay

2011-12-07T13:37:00.000Z

If you've ever seen a month's-worth of blog hits, you'll understand my next statement.

For all of you who actually Googled for "mind altered roleplay" or maybe just "mind altered" or possibly just "roleplay" I am sorry but this is probably not the site you're looking for. I have yet to include any kind of drug-addled shenanigans to my bedroom life. Nor have I ever purchased/worn burlap underwear. I apologize also to all those who came here looking for "proper suicide emo" and "scenes with mice digging holes." For the life of me I don't get it, but I will endeavor to include these topics in my subsequent musings.

Ugh, I've been stuck on that last paragraph for hours now. You'll understand when I say I've eaten a very big sandwich all on my lonesome. And now I have a weird craving for The Money Pit. But I must endure for there will be a torrent of pictures and videos ahead that are sure to boggle the socks and blow the mind off all of you, my dear ~~minions~~ friends.

Each Friday or Saturday night, like most of you I'm sure, my bored housewife existence turns to game night. We hook up with our neighbours (the better half of which I have known for some 10 years) and indulge in a requiem of depravity. Jk. The title might hint to that but, no. As many of us new-age geeks (uh, can I coin that one, I rather fancy it) we play boardgames or roleplay (the pen and paper version, geez). As do most of you. Surely.

What confounds me is why we would ever consider in venturing on with these subjects after opening the second bottle of wine or on our way through our second sandwich. Let me explain.

Setting (in cWoD's V:TM): after millennia of seamless integration in human society, man has seen one too many Twilight movies and is beginning to catch on. Hmm, that Madonna sure isn't getting any older. And didn't I just read in the paper that Nicholas Cage is actually part of the hosts of the undead?

Insert a scrawny Polish vampire whose biggest dream is to quit all this Vampire nonsense all together, a scrawny little girl who's pretty unsure if being undead is what's happening right now and a scrawny rich opera singer who's pretty sure being a Vampire is what's happening and she's quite enjoying it.

Obviously, as I am known to row against any plot, I immediately set myself out as defiant and constructed my penitent Vampire Alex. Because Vampires with common names is all the rage nowadays. Look at Vampire Bill or Vampire Eric. None of those french Anne-Rice-ish names. No. I have a vampire called Alex and by God he will find a cure this this nefarious ailment! Verily, thus and so!

I started out as noble as could be but I got turned around somewhere and ended up performing blood transfusion between two ghoulified cows in a barn and smearing vampire remains on a deserted road in backwater Russia with a stake. I proceeded to then swallow the most critical peace of information we had, have a cat-fight with a human three times stronger than me during daytime and spent a good twenty minutes riding up and down in an elevator for no good reason in a luxury apartment building in NYC. These were the things I did voluntarily, using whatever wits I yet had.

Unconsciously, however, our collective minds drifted in very similar if bizarre directions when analyzing what props we had encountered.

Here is what remained after my attempt at salvaging three important parts of an important document. The first I swallowed, as alluded earlier, the second I triggered burnt but the third one isn't my fault.

After little under an hour (or maybe it was three) I managed to put the middle one back together. Now, it seems like a perfectly reasonable piece of roleplaying prop, doesn't it? Now let's check the back reversed against the light.

A bit weird yes, but... wait. Wait, what's that there with the burnt patches and... and the outline, is that...

is that... Mr. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

Oh my God, now I can't unsee it! And is that... is that a giant missile on his head?

No, now I'm just over-thinking it. But, although...

There's a little duck flying up there! I can see it, it's like a Warner Bros. type thing!

Needless to say that was the end of our adventures for the night. We probably retreated back to RockBand as we are known to do. If only the walls were thicker we'd have more fun with it. But, like many console accessories, RockBand's weren't thought for small apartments. They should though, I mean at least the 360 is clearly marketed for frat boys.

Sometimes we play Scrabble. But that never ends well for me.

And "glee" was not a valid word.

I tell you: That Money Pit sure is a funny movie. Best Spielberg movie, hands down. What else can I be but what I am... Carpenter? Plumber? No bells?

Philistines...

I Love Star Wars And It Should Die

2011-12-06T07:26:00.000Z

When I was but a babe in pigtails (wow, that came out wrong with some seriously gruesome mental pictures) I liked Star Wars. I liked it so much that I even got one of those Star Wars encyclopedias with all the characters and races and people and I was overjoyed.

If there is one thing I've had enough these days is Star Wars. It's everywhere, they're constantly rubbing it in my face and it's close to making me start a mini-WTT for pet peeves. Hmmm....

I like stuffed peppers. But if every day I had stuffed peppers for lunch and dinner pretty soon I wouldn't like stuffed peppers anymore. And if on top of that I was being bombarded with Stuffed Peppers: The MMO and Stuffed Peppers: The Prequel, It would pretty much turn me off stuffed peppers entirely. Hell, I'm getting nauseous just writing about it.

I may have mentioned before but this is another prime example of why hype trains have ruined so many things for me. Not only does my mind get saturated with it but it actively tries to look for something wrong with a notion, be it a new anime (yeah, I just wrote my new WTT), a franchise, any kind of IP, really. When someone tries to oversell you something, there's probably a big BUT coming.

I'm all for advertisement of a good product. I mean, there are few other ways of getting the public to know of its existence but it comes to a point when you do no more than annoy the very people whose attention you're trying to get and pretty soon they're willing to spend money on anything but what you're trying to shove down their throats. Because people don't like being told what to do, not on the few things they feel in control about. I wouldn't like someone telling me when I should go take a dump any more then I like being told 50 times a day that I should go check out yet another post mortem Michael Jackson show because this one is The Best Show in the World About Michael Jackson. Well I'm the best Me in Metown, doesn't mean all that now, does it?

There are new things out there, new ideas that could be explored and promoted for a good penny. Imagination and good story-telling didn't end with George Lucas. There has got to be other fascinating worlds and universes brewing in someone's head just ripe for the exploiting and mass franchising that we don't have to keep recycling the same ideas over and over for 50 years. I dare call it an insult to the ingenuity of man.

So there you have it: Star Wars has become a killer of ingenuity. If I never say anything else, I say now this.

Which is not to say I won't ever give SW:TOR a try. What am I, a homeless ranting on a street corner?

The Game

2011-12-05T17:51:00.001Z

You just lost it.

Totally trollish of me, no?

Kinect Me To Who's In Charge

2011-11-16T21:06:00.001Z

No, I'm not Skyrimming. Elder Scrolls can go clean my oven for all I care with all its... first-personish. Yes, that's my only gripe with it and its enough for me to never even want to touch it.

Instead, let me tell you about my misadventures with Kinect.

As most people in the modern world, I live in an apartment. Apartments have the idiosyncrasy of not being very spacious. Mine escapes not the norm (ugh, I've been playing way too much Tactics Ogre). Still, we heard that ME3 was taking advantage of Kinect's built-in voice recognition to issue commands to party members and go through dialog. "What fun", I replied and so I put my foot down and stated that by next year I was getting a Kinect. I ended getting one on my birthday, last September.

Now, if you're anything like me you probably got excited when first word of the Wii came out. The prospect of physically interacting with your games beyond your thumbs and possibly chin (I get lazy sometimes) was wondrously innovative to my pseudo-laywoman's mind and we quickly jumped on the hype bandwagon. In fact, there's even a video of Mike in the line at Toys"R"Us at launch day after an incident at a different store involving a pre-order, a complaints book and the Police. What followed (not that particular launch day but in videogaming history) was a series of disappointing releases and half-hearted attempts by other companies to stake their claim in that same niche market. For a long time I was verily unimpressed.

Like nothing had ever happened and like nothing had been learned, we were overjoyed, excited, psyched even, when news of this one project Natal reached our little corner of the world. Remarkably, this had very little to do with "Natal" being directly translated to "Christmas" and more with the fact that someone had picked up on the idea first proposed by the Wii and expanded on it to something that didn't require a hand-held accessory. We had had our share of holes in walls with the Wiimote. Nintendo had been stupid but Microsoft now had the possibility of picking up where they left off and actually put out title that post-12 years old players would actually want to play. And the technology in the info releases they were making seemed pretty groundbreaking and we felt like we were living in the future. We may not have flying cars but the survival and prosperity of the human race was assured if our gaming consoles could talk back to us. But we should've known. Peter Moulineaux has fooled and tricked us so many times before. Why, oh why didn't we see it?

So, ok. The Kinect wasn't all it was cracked up to be. But it's not that bad either. Like, Yahtzee (at least I think it was him) said: no matter in how many different ways you can interact physically with a game if you don't have a corresponding physical feedback, what's the point? Still, the motion capture is pretty decent and it's terrible fun watching myself as a stick figure during the calibration process. It has its faults, though. The biggest one, and the one I blame for their failure to connect (HA, see what I did there?) with the far east market is the amount of space it requires to work properly.

We set the thing up and my cat jumped at it when it started bobbing up and down, trying to determine where the floor was. It had to see the floor so we couldn't gain a few precious inches by moving it a bit further back, closer to the wall. When calibration time came we had to move the couch back until it touched the dining table. Then we had to push the dining table back and the couch with it. Then we decided to move the couch out of the frame entirely to the side and STILL had to play the "restricted" version of games and demos. The Kinect needs a LOT of space to see you. So, before I even consider if I want to play something with it I have to consider if I feel like rearranging furniture and if the downstairs neighbors would be cool with that at whatever hour it happens to be.

But, you know, the motion sensor thing is neat, and cute but not at all the main reason I bought it. We proceeded to calibrate the thing's voice recognition and, at first, all was fine. We giggled like school girls when the screen filled with my achievements after we blurted out "Xbox, Achievements."

But, after we connected to Xbox Live, the thing went deaf. No matter how much we hollered out for it using our many different accents and tones, it wouldn't respond. We discovered then that voice activation did not work in our native language. But that's ok because we're sufficiently proficient with English, in my humble opinion, to issue simple commands. Turns out it decided it wasn't available in our geographical area, regardless of our language skills. So we decided to switch our settings to the UK because it's still in the same time zone and we were fairly sure it would raise no issues with the English the English speak. But no, as soon as we connect to Xbox Live it realizes the trick we're pulling and wags its finger at us reprovingly.

My only hope is that this issue exists only on the Xbox dashboard because if it persists in games... well... There goes my entire reason for wanting it, eh? Then I'll just be stuck with a pretty expensive, bobbing, dust magnet of a cyclops in front of my TV for no good reason.

WTT: Most Memorable Internet Videos, Pt 2

2011-11-13T11:00:00.000Z

Dramatic conclusion arrives dramatically.

5. MrWeebl; Dramatic Chipmunk

Kind of a cheat this one but I couldn't honestly decide between them. They're both so revolutionary. One writes songs that stick with you through thick and thin and the other is... adorable. Both of them brilliant.

4. Billy Mays - We Can Help

I didn't know who Billy Mays was, to be perfectly honest. But now I'm sad he's gone. And this video is the sole culprit. A brilliant piece of work that I have hummed for days on end.

3. Sparta

It was a craze that went around for a long time and still one of my all time favorites. This video (which I am not sure is the original one or just one of the many, MANY versions that feature the song) compiles several other viral videos that didn't make this list.

2. Buffalax

A genius at work, Buffalax took it upon himself to subtitle precious gems from the far east (Eastern Europe included) in English so we could all understand the true miracle the human race truly is. Buffalax's work was of such genius he made the media but, unfortunately, copyright is a bitch and I've lost track of him. Some of his followers have reposted his videos out there so the magic can live on.

1. Evan Mather

When I was a little girl I saw this movie set in space. It featured little green men with walking sticks and white plastic ones that shot lasers from their guns. I liked it but wasn't all that impressed. A few years later, during my first browsings of this new thing called the internet, I discovered the works of one Mr. Evan Mather and that movie gained a whole new dimension for me. Forget SW:TOR, Evan Mather's work was the pinnacle for StarWars in my youth and everything else since has paled in comparison.

That's it and that's all.

WTT: Most Memorable Internet Videos, Pt 1

2011-11-12T11:00:00.000Z

Over the course of this my simple existence there have been few things that brought a tear to my eye and a pain to my gut. From laughing so hard. Others were just cool. All of them, found on what we here affectionately call the "Interwebs". Or maybe it's just me. In no way do I think these movies are intrinsically good or bad. They just became popular/viral for whatever reason and I happened to be caught in the blastwave. By which I mean they are featured here by their relevance in my life and not necessarily in the grand scheme of things.

Notable Mentions: La Caida de Edgar, with its many, many remakes/remixes (not all of them good); Eh Marine, for the sheer amount of Portuguese remixes that surfaced. For the life of me I still don't get why; Failblog, for continuing to provide us with proof that there's always someone stupider and, finally, a warm recollection of the Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei opening. Never saw the anime, but I played that game a whole lot .

Without further ado:

10. Galacticmammoth

Featured not only because I myself was featured in two productions but because, truly, it's some of the most creative things I've ever seen done using a video game.

9. Boot To The Head

If I'm not horribly mistaken, this craze first started because of a sketch by The Frantics. The above is merely my favorite adaptation.

8. Sittin On Tha Toilet

Let's face it, we've all sung in the bathroom, be it in the shower or on the toilet. I, personally, have sung this little gem plenty on the toilet. And then laughed hysterically.

7. The Strangerhood

Years ago, when I was a young girl, I played The Sims. Shocking, yes? Especially if you ever read this blog before. This machinima was made by Rooster Teeth, the creators of the infamous RedvsBlue.

6. SunnyD and Rum

This is actually on my recurrent playlist whenever I go outside.

I'm in a hurry though but see you tomorrow!

A Corpse and a PSP

2011-11-10T17:10:00.001Z

That's what my last weekend came down to. It's a good thing I'd written all that in advance because my father-in-law's aunt passed away sometime between Friday and Saturday.

Now, I come from a very small family (count 2, including me) so I'd never dealt with death so hands-on. And I think I've watched way too many CSIs as I was under the impression it would take a while after she died before they put her in the ground. But they were having none of it and she was going down under on Sunday. And so it was that while I was taking a shower on Saturday I was informed that I would be making a round trip totaling around 450kms that same day (that's 280 miles give or take I think). Even though I'd never met the lady, you could say I was very upset that she died.

Scary

Then a more pressing concern hit me "what am I going to wear?" followed by a more urgent "does this mean I'm not finishing Star Ocean this weekend?" I had picked up The First Departure thinking of going through three of the installments of the series in one week but I am severely allergic to car rides. My stomach gets a bit upset and my sphincter tightens up whenever I travel at speeds exceeding 100kph (60 mph). When I was younger I'd refer to cars as big metallic beasts from hell, with their big eyes and fangs and smoldering behinds (read headlights, grill and tailpipes). Buses were something like overlords and trucks overfiends (yes, that's an Urotsukidoji reference). That fear hasn't subsided so it's safe to say it wasn't a pleasant ride that one, in the dark, on a highway. Anyways, this meant I wasn't going to be able to play at all over the ride there and back as I'd probably end up barfing inside their nicotine scarred Mercedes. We wouldn't want that.

I girded my loins, put on a black skirt, proper shoes, counted my blessings that I'd shaved my legs the previous day and steeled my mind for the ordeal ahead. Something refreshed my sullen spirit though. When we stopped at a gas station we got to see one of those kids that runs around a lot have his debut head-first encounter with technology as he tackled an automatic door before it had a chance to open. Good times.

We got there and before I knew it we were heading inside a fairly old church. Or chapel. I don't know these things. This place apparently dates back from 1565 but I was fairly not impressed as the temperature was a good ten degrees lower than in my beloved capital. On the drive there we'd learned that a friend of the deceased (which was close to turning 97) had also perished the same night (she was a week away from 100) so the church ended up hosting two bodies for two grieving families. I did my rounds, introducing myself, kissing a bunch of old ladies, feeling very much like the literal black sheep in the flock. At one point, trying to avoid melting my coat on a radiator I stood a bit too close to the casket and I felt the blood drain from my cheeks at the prospect of tipping it over and living the most embarrassing moment I would ever come to experience. It didn't happen though.

So there we stood and sat and chatted with hard-of-hearing old folk for a while, looking a bit glum and smiling sympathetically, the corpse with its white shroud over its face, hands contorted holding a rosary, me feeling more uncomfortable by the minute save for the heat from the radiators.

We finally departed from the religiously charged premises and had dinner and drove back. When I finally got in my own bed it was well past 1 AM but I still gave SO:TFD another go. I spent the following day in bed mentally recovering from my first brush with death and all the cold, gloominess and old-smell it entails. I ended up finishing the game and got started on The Second Evolution (which didn't turn out that well). But more on that some other time.

Weekend Top Ten: Memorable Videogames, Pt 2

2011-11-06T13:30:00.000Z

Oh my god it's the awesome conclusion of the awesomest thing ever to grace this blog!
Except for me pining over WAR. That was pretty popular.
Onward!

5. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

Ah, everyone's favorite defense attorney. I love the fact that in Nick's world being a defense attorney automatically means you fight for justice, truth and the innocent. I mean, how far of a leap is that from every American tv show today? And the cases all involve murders. And the client is always innocent!

Despite how bizarre the whole setting may be, Nick Wright has kept me up on many a night, eerie light shining through the sheets.

I'm not clear on how I came across the first game but since I did I've been a die-hard-get-all fan of the series. Together with OTO, it obliterated the bottom screen of my NDS and restored my faith in Nintendo, short lived as it was.

The biggest impact it had on me was that it brought back the girl gamer in me, with it's drama and nail-biting fade-outs. Soon after I went through all of them I came across Dragon Age and Mass Effect that kept that drama hungry flame burning.

I've written about this more substantially here so let's move on.

4. Front Mission 3

I can't really recall when I first played Front Mission 3 but I'm guessing it was a while ago as the game came out in the turn of the millennium. That's some 12 years ago. God, don't you just feel old sometimes?

Getting back on track. I never was one for robots or tanks growing up which isn't surprising because I'm a girl. A moderately peaceful one at that. I was more into... dungeons? I must've picked the game up from one of my acquaintances' rooms be it boyfriend or no. Whatever it was it didn't take long for me to be completely hooked.

The fighting part and strategy of it was appealing and there was a management of the vehicles themselves that I enjoyed. But the most engaging part of it for me had to do with the fake interweb they stuffed in there. It had multiple websites with plenty of pages and passwords, viruses and things to "download".

It really showed that the developers had put a lot of time and effort to put out a game with an immersive world. It may not amount to much by today's standards but the game certainly earned a spot in my heart. The graphics certainly don't seem to have aged well but back in the day, I played it so much I dreamed about it. Oh, shut up, it's happened to you too.

3. The Sims

I hate loving The Sims. It's so mainstream. Hipsters look down on me and plebeian girls can relate because they've dabbled.

Long story short, I once played SimCity 3000 A LOT. After that, instead of making the logical leap to SimCity 4, I instead opted for something where I had a more directed approach and were things could mate.

I played the first and all the expansions and helped make EA the beast it is today. And then the second and most of the expansions and the beast got a bit more frightening. And then I borrowed the third and was pushing the beast's tentacles out my window. Along with sports franchises, The Sims must be one of the most successful EA ones. They sure did throw lots of star studded launch parties.

I like to think I have since grown past my mania, even though I still pick them up from time to time for reminiscing purposes. And to continue my plan of spreading the "green skin" gene through an entire neighborhood. Muahaha. Also, I like how some critters go around the world pointing their life away or spend their days riding the refrigerator door like a weird bipedal horse.

2. Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning

Strictly speaking, not the very first MMORPG I've ever played but certainly the one I've invested the most time, money, sweat, laughter and tears in. It was also the game that got me into blogging. If that is a good or bad thing remains to be voted upon.

I didn't get into it because I wanted to. No, as usual, Mike was angling to have someone to play with so he bought it for me. Obviously it backfired and he not only had to buy me a computer that would actually run the game but he also ended up paying for many of my subscriptions.

Still, we had wonderful times playing it and made what I like to call friends. Together we came to love being on the top of the scenario scoreboards and to hate the likes of Crimson and Red Guard.

But the game had its faults and you can't very well love a dead horse. Well, you can, but it's awkward. We lead it to water but we couldn't make it drink so now here we stand, our pockets picked by all the horseshoes we've invested on. Why oh why didn't you drink, WAR? Why?

Anyways, I guess WAR became the standard of MMOs for me. I have a hard time feeling compelled to play anything with other people if I can't kill them in a fast-paced battle among 300 other players at one point. I guess time will tell.

1. Final Fantasy Tactics

Easily one of the best games out there and certainly my all-time favorite turn-based strategy RPG. I first finished it on the PS and have since acquired two copies for the PSP.

I've unlocked everything there is to unlock I think, and I've come up with exploits left and right without resorting to Gamefaqs.

The story is quite good, the music is brilliant and the gameplay addictive. I play it once in a while to fill that "equip things" need I get.

Although I adore the first FFT I could never respect the second installment of the series. Dreams and a picture book world just don't hold a candle to the continent at war that the first let me play in. I don't want to play with toddlers having dreams and "putting things to sleep" by stroking foes' heads long enough. Or am I thinking HKO?

The game set the standard for entertainment and replayability value for games since and as such deserves more of an exaltation and a more thorough exploration but I'll leave that for another post.

Aaaaand that's that. I'm sure I forgot about something that should be up there. I'll probably wake up tomorrow screaming the name of some game that should be up here and then curse my addled brain.

Weekend Top Ten: Memorable Videogames, Pt 1

2011-11-05T13:30:00.000Z

As every countdown, this one will start high and work it's way down, lest it become some weird countup. Who ever heard of that, heh?

But first I'd like to take a moment to mention a few games that, although epically spectacular did not make the cut.

Constructor, for what it taught me about landlords; Masters of Orion 2, for teaching me about aliens and the importance of scientific investigation; Harvest Moon, for what I learned about growing crops, brushing cows and romancing farm girls; Shadow of Memories, for being the most elusive game in the history of the industry (maybe not really but I wants it!). Ok, enough with that.

So, from least influential to most, here are the games that had most to do with my taste in games, my reluctance to pursue a career and the nimbleness of my thumbs.

10. Command&Conquer: Red Alert

Spewing out villagers, building huts, leveling civilizations on elephant back and cruising around on a sports car. Age of Empires had all of this to offer. And I sure did play a lot of that. But then I turned my attention to Red Alert.

I still have a few loose pages of the manual in a drawer somewhere which is amazing considering I never read it and that I have misplaced the cd itself ages ago. Which is a damn shame because I really would like to give it another whirl. I remember having finished the allied campaign but have the recollection that the red part of the game, although more exciting, presented an added level of difficulty for me.

The image of those charging Rottweilers and sparkly Tesla coils are still fresh in my mind though and after my recent dabbling in Starcraft the gash in my heart ripped by our separation stung and I scavenged for the game high and low. No luck.

C&C:RA changed me to believe that communism isn't that bad. It's actually kind of fun! Wait a minute, what am I saying? I'm not American, I never had a problem with communists. They through some serious parties.

9. Mass Effect

After KOTOR came Mass Effect and what a massive effect it had. Mostly it had people confused between "affect" and "effect" almost as much as "your" and "you're".

The only reason why it's not higher up on my list is because it's too recent for me to know what I've learned from it or how it's changed me. One thing I can say though: I'm a FemShep groupie. MaleShep just seems a bit stiff at times. Oh, no she didn't...

Bioware has most certainly catered to both male and female audiences with its recent releases. They're disguising dating games under a lot of firing and magic and things flying in space or riding on horseback. I'm loving it.

The dating possibilities alone make the game lend itself to multiple playthroughs. Without even noticing it I had become quite adept at shooting things. Imagine my surprise, when all I wanted was to bang a different chick/alien that time around. I guess maybe males go about it the other way around or at least have that excuse to see the make out scenes.

8. Dungeon Keeper

"Your creatures are annoyed. You cannot pay them." It amazes/scares me how many Dungeon Keeper lines I still remember. I must have played that game more than I realize.

"Your creatures are falling in battle." I remember it was one of those games my mother bought for me for some reason. She had to work a lot so maybe it was simply to keep me entertained. By 97, when the game was released, I was about 12 which is, without a doubt, the best time to get a game about managing a dungeon filled with demonic creatures. It taught me a lot about organization and resource management and I'm not even kidding.

"Your gold reserves are running low." I never did play the second DK and, even though I heard say they were like spiritual successors, I never really did like Populous or Black&White. Dungeon Keeper was it for me. I lived to see those Imps dancing at the walls to fortify them while my leathery yellow hand hung close by to slap them as needed.

"The Lord of the Land approaches!"

7. Broken Sword

Many of my friends, male and older, rave about so-called "point&click" games like Secret of Monkey Island, Day of the Tentacle or The Dig. I'm sorry. I was just too young for that. And without a computer. And a girl. So it's mostly understandable that I missed out on what they call the Golden Age of point&click.

But I had my crack at Broken Sword. I'll never forget the first time I watched that intro, with the Parisian rooftops and the ballon and the absurdly low framerate my crappy computer could chug out. Good times.

With the first... come to think of it, with all of the games of the saga, I learned patience. In the first one, there was s place where you had to find the one stop on a brick wall atop a haystack where you had to stick something. Took me a few years to realize my game hadn't bugged out. The second one I had to wait to even purchase it. I'm still waiting to finish the third one as I seem to have misplaced my copy of the first CD.

Good game, though. Too bad it's taking me over 10 years to finish all of them. And maybe it's just me forgetting the plot (which I did) but I'm not sure if there are any broken swords in the games at all.

6. Theme Hospital

And here we are again, amid projectile vomiting balloon heads and snipe practicing on rats. There's not much more I can say about Theme Hospital than what I've already said.

It was a time in my life where I played a lot of strategy games, apparently. I wonder what that says about me. I was playing Theme Park around this time as well, although my computer wasn't as agreeable with that one.

Theme Hospital made me aware of the subtleties of the english accent. Especially in the word "warning" in the phrase "Warning! The hospital administrator is cheating! Warning! A cheat is in the hospital." Yeah, I heard that a lot.

If interested, check back tomorrow for the top five. Wow, that was so E! Entertainment of me, to cut you off before the top 5. For shame.

Scheduled Posts For a Laid Back Lifestyle

2011-11-03T10:30:00.000Z

Going to write up a few scheduled posts in the form of countdowns. Just because I'm a housewife sitting at the computer with a cat on her lap after her husband has gone off to bed.

Also I'd like to have a reference for the future of what I thought had really made an impact on my life circa Christmas 2011. I'm sure my opinions will change in time, as they have before. I just feel like keeping track.

These lists/opinions will range from music, games, books... whatever I may be more into at any particular week.

See you then.

Wrath of Heroes: So, My Wrath Then

2011-10-28T10:00:00.001+01:00

"You have been asking whether you can post about your beta impressions. We asked, and here is the official statement:

At this time, we are no longer enforcing the confidentiality provisions set forth in the Warhammer Online: Wrath of Heroes Beta Agreement. Players in the beta are still bound by all other aspects of the Beta Agreement to which they agreed when they signed up and installed the game.

So, it ‘s good news! We look forward to your videos, blogs, or other impressions from the beta!"

So says the Wrath of Heroes Facebook page. So be it then.

These impressions are ALL from WELL before today and WELL before the game is released.

I was there the second time the closed Beta opened it's flood gates, me and a bunch of people I know, all of them WAR vets. Funnily enough, I haven't seen them there since. I haven't asked why, partly because it's none of my business but mostly because I don't care.

Wrath of Heroes is, in a shell casing, WAR scenarios non-stop. If you played WAR but never got much into closed oRvR then WoH isn't for you. Until I (unwillingly) gave the Beta a rest, which was roughly a month ago, there was no progression system whatsoever. There was a level indicator but there was nothing you gained from it and you couldn't rub that shameful excuse for an epeen on anybody's face. There was a Tactics screen with a "Coming Soon" over it so I'm guessing that's what you'll end up spending your money on. I sincerely hope that the first things they introduce aren't new costumes though. That would surely turn me right around shouting "go suck sick donkey cock" over my shoulder.

The lack of a progression system wasn't a problem for me, though, and it certainly didn't stop me having a blast with the game. Because I did, I had loads of fun with it. The hours would fly by as I laughed manically at the corpses of foes. Good times. As it stood, the outcome of the game depended solely on the wits and skill of the people playing it and not on how long they'd had to grind for their awesomely shaped bow and exquisitely sharp arrows.

So what's it like? Well, I never played LoL so I can't compare but I've heard say it's LoLish. Let's take Mourkain Temple as an example. At start you choose which hero you would like to start with. The choices range from Shadow Warrior and Sorcerer for ranged dps to things like Witch Elf, Slayer and "Vampire Chick" as melee dps. There are more but I'm not in the mood to get into it. Each has 5 skills to use with the most powerfull ones with longer cooldown times. There is no AP and, hence, no restriction apart from cooldown on what to use.

The two things that took me longer to get acclimated to were there not being a friendly target and... well, targeting. It all feels a bit random at first, especially with all the closed beta subscribers eager to up their kill count and shouting at everything with less than 90% life. Healing is strictly AoE centered on your location or melee healing.

After I got tab-targeting to work properly, or me working it, everything went smoothly and my Shadow Warrior soon became a force to be reckoned with. My record is a 13 kill streak. The game is kind enough to stroke your ego by plastering on the screen how many spawns you've ended without getting spawned yourself.

Word has it that they "learned from DAoC" and decided to go for a three faction game. A lot could be said on this topic, including that they learned this not from DAoC but from WAR winging, but what's the point at this time? One could even compare them to the government: they promise, procrastinate on delivery and then congratulate themselves on a late and non-inspired response.

Now, now, I'm not getting my panties in a bunch. As stated, I quite like it. There's a scenario where the one purpose is to kill as many of the opposition as possible in the middle of the Saccelum arena. How much fun is that? Plenty.

As far as F2Ps go, I'm no expert, but I'm hoping it'll do well enough that I can play it regularly against more than just the same 20 people over and over again.

Starcraft: Eeeexcellent

2011-10-27T10:00:00.000+01:00

Yep, that was the most I got from Starcraft, the first installment. The Science Vessel dude is played by the guy that voices Mr. Burns, one Mr. Harry Shearer, and I kept clicking it to hear him say "Eeeeeexcellent."

Other than that, what can I say? If you played it when it first came out it would surely be a huge hit. The game is good, I don't deny it. But does it age well? I bet a few thousand Koreans would say "ABSORUTERY".

Starcraft's Campaign Editor

I can't help but be a bit biased towards the game. Many moons ago, before I found the man I would later come to call Mikey, I dated this one person who could become... a bit obsessed with things. At the time he became a bit obsessed with crafting up a campaign for Starcraft. He did the maps and he did the dialogue and then he asked me to voice the dialogue for it. Now, little ol' me was glad to help out, at first, only because I had the silly notion that he had actually heard me speak before. It is no secret that I sound like a hamster, particularly after my voice... exists my mouth. I sound fine to me but whatever recording I hear of me just sounds overly squeaky and childish. Seeing as he was dating me at the time I had thought he had realised this but it turns out I was wrong.

After a few excrutiating hours of me spewing out the same line over and over again we both finally realized that this wasn't happening. I gave Starcraft a "you better hope you don't ever run into me in a dark alley, bitch" glare and we parted ways until late last week. I couldn't go on using the term "Zerg" without knowing what I was talking about.

I managed to play through the entire Terran campaign, taking a few days off to clear my mind of the three songs the soundtrack is comprised of. I can't say I didn't have fun. Then it was time to tackle part II, the Zerg campaign.

I was pleased to see that the Zerg part of the game wasn't just more of the same with different skins over the units. The gameplay is widely different and I suspect that, had I gone past the first two missions that serve the purpose of acclimating you to this new setting, I would discover that the strategic part of it would have to be approached differently as well.

But I didn't go past it. It kind of slipped my mind as I started downloading new demos of games to try out on the XBLA. If it slipped my mind to play it I can't say it was the best game I've played in a long time. In my honest opinion I don't think it aged that well. I can't point to anything blatantly wrong about it. I think it's more of a "it's not you, it's me" kind of deal. The game is fine, it just isn't what I want.

All the while I played it my mind kept going back to C&C:RA and those attacking dogs and the Tesla Coils; the over enunciation of "ck" in "acknowledged", the constant stream of "on hold; cancelled". I started wondering if that game, perhaps, had withstood the test of time and if I should pull it off the shelf and give it another go. But, in the end, I was too afraid of blemishing those fond childhood memories of electrocuting allied forces and I decided against it. I left well enough alone.

Hills and Rivers Remain

2011-10-26T10:00:00.001+01:00

"Hills and Rivers Remain is a video game developed and published by Square Enix and released for the iPhone and iPod Touch in North America and Japan, and additionally for DSIWare and cell phones in Japan."

So says Wikipedia. That could be the end of this pseudo-review. However, I had a lot of fun with the game and decided it needs a bit of ego stroking. It was fairly entertaining and it kept me coming back. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say it's right up there with Minesweeper. I like Minesweeper, even though I only understood the game 5 years ago.

H&R is a strategy thingy where you capture bases and each base grants you more troops at the start of a new turn (or is it the end of the current one? Bah!) And that's pretty much it. You have plenty of different maps, some bases boost your speed while others make your troops hit harder but the game isn't that complex. If a base is defended by 5 goons, send 7 of yours and all that. If you have horses you get there faster. Simple, eh?

Even so, the game made every bathroom trip a delight and even though my legs never quite became numb (not like Numblast. Oh, haha but the "numb" in that is actually from "numbers") I found myself having to take the charger with me on several occasions.

The game's story is as cliché as it could be but that's to be expected from a Squeenix game. Kingdoms battle each other and knights struggle with their values and the orders they're given. Not much depth there. But the gameplay experience was surprisingly satisfying enough.

Sound and song were what you'd expect them to be and, even though it pales in comparison, it reminded me a bit of FF Tactics. But, then again, most things pale, shrivel up and die when compared to FF Tactics. As well they should.

I breezed through story mode easily enough, with the odd map or two when they really want you dead. Luckily, there's a free mode where you can not only replay the maps from story mode but you're also presented with new maps (and a bit of useless trivia stories packed in) and the option to play with characters you've been playing against.

But that's the only thing remotely resembling progression the game has to offer. You unlock these maps and characters as you go through story mode but that's the only thing you get, as per my understanding. I do have a vague recollection of a message saying my troops were now more competent but for the life of me they seemed to kill and die with the same efficiency or lack thereof as before.

A good game if you need something to entertain you on your way to work/school/home/bowel release.

Call Me Lazy Bugger

2011-10-25T16:46:00.000+01:00

But a lazy bugger you'll always save a special place in your heart for.

I'm not getting into why I haven't blogged. Nobody's really interested. Not even me.

I've been going over a few (read "around 10") oldies but goldies. Some I'm going back to because they're so awesome, others I'm playing for the first time because they say they're so awesome. Having done some soul-searching, meditation, contemplation and navel-gazing I came to the realization that I'm only living once so I might as well play certain things before I expire. God forbid I'm an old lady, taking my last breaths in my time-worn mattress when the thought occurs to me that "I never did give Half-Life a go".

I say that but I still haven't. I'm not dead yet so I'm hoping there's still time. Then again I'm expected to join in a street rally against the national state of affairs soon. Guess me having said time to try Half-Life or dedicate more than 5 minutes to Fallout will depend on my surviving that.

Still, my gallivanting charge through older games comes from a dire need to fill a gaming void in my life. I've since given WAR a rest again as it wasn't satisfying enough to justify its monthly weight on my finances, so I find myself with a craving that can only be described as "the need to equip things".

Equiping things isn't something you can just up and do in real life. You don't get up and equip a pair of pants. You don't go out in the world determined to succeed in whatever endeavor you chose to get a pair of pants that is slightly better than the ones you have on. Well, maybe you do, but I don't. I long for a single player game focused on gear grinding with a girly story. Like Mass Effect. ME3 is still a bit far to dream about, even though we already footed for a Kinect specially for it. Oooooh, Kinect how I must rant about you on some later date because you absolutely make me want to crawl on walls throwing feces at every which way. With a frown and not a smile.

I've tried RPGs, RTSs, Sims, FPSs... I've gone through my repertoire on the Ps3, 360, Wii (a fairly short one), DS, PSP, PC and iPad. I even tried Sword&Sworcery. But, as Bono has said many times before...

When I was a much younger girl, it was times like these when I could find solace in a Squaresoft release but Squaresoft has gone the way of the Nintendo and have adopted, apparently, the same philosophy: if something was wildly successful twenty years ago, give it an aesthetic makeover keep releasing it year after year until it's as popular as Barbara Streisand. But if you remember the tale of poor Barbara you will realize that people know who she is but that doesn't mean they like her.

I'll be spending the next few hours writing about the games I have gone through. This was, after all, a blog started for me to keep track of things I've played and what my impressions of them were. It has saved me from trying to start FFXIII again countless times.

Food for thought.

[WAR] Ehone: The Pudding Healer

2011-08-18T22:32:00.000+01:00

If you're not a fan, replace pudding for any other edible of your preference as long as its squishy. Like a soggy biscuit.


What is this? I don't even...

Over the past few days (read weeks) I've been trying my best to hone my skills and become the best healer I could ever possibly be. A few questions arose during that time. Like, why the hell does my face look like a dog-like thing? More important ones stuck with me: survivability. How much should a healer bet on survivability? Let me tell you my point of view.

I, for one, have a meager 1400 armor on my Zealot and I'm living with it just fine. I never stacked toughness so its more or less negligible. The only survivability related stat I have bet on is wounds. It makes sense to me that, if I have more wounds, not only does it take longer for me to go down but I also have more hp to heal back up. Healing more means more renown so win-win.

The reason why I neglect armor to begin with is that the things that hit me that I cannot avoid are mdps and tanks. Those can either bypass a percentage of my armor or ignore it completely. So why should I bother with it in the first place? A radical approach, maybe, but it has served me well and my play style has adjusted to it just fine. As far as ranged damage goes, I just put some distance in between or, ideally, a tree. More often than not I'll be throwing HoTs running around a tree after a BW. A detaunt and a cleanse don't hurt either.

Of course, there are a few other skills I use for surviving. I can't stress enough how Embrace the Warp can be a real life saver when you sense an assist train closing in. It won't save you for long without a guard but the best part of it is it makes one unsetbackable (although this feature has failed me once or twice lately, which I frown upon. See that? I'm frowning!) so you can keep spamming your DoP or switch to the single target Elixir on yourself until help arrives. Another thing a full Sovereign healer has handy is Absolute Preservation, which makes your party immune to critical hits for 10 seconds. Good for protecting against morale bombing that may include increased critting abilities.

You're doing it wrong.

Winds of Insanity is another skill I recently acquired that I also find intriguing. If you're not familiar, it's the whirlwind that bounces enemies off a Zealot repeatedly and spoils pursuit plans. It's not a life-saver by any stretch of the imagination given that melee range in this game is something that should really be refined but it's... entertaining. Deep breaths, it does not grant CC immunity although if a target is already immune it has no effect. Well it deals a small amount of damage if your harbinger is turned off and fairly good damage when you're out in the world PvE exploring. It's great for firing off in bridges if anyone wants to pass by you. The most interesting thing about it is how a Zealot can disrupt his own Winds of Insanity. The skill supposedly roots you in place as a drawback for knocking people away. It's supposed to be a gamble (that can grant enough time for other healers to get away, if you're feeling altruistic) but if a Zealot casting it disrupts it, it can walk around freely knocking things away at will. You have to admit. It's at least interesting if not the most useful of skills.

Another discovery I made (I know, I should read patch notes more carefully) is that my favorite Morale in the game, Eye of Sheerian, was modified. They kept the animation, which was indubitably the best part, and changed the effect. Instead of being a HoT that ticked for 300, it's now a reverse Tzeentch's Talon. While TT strips 1xxx armor and 5xx resists, EoS now grants your party 1xxx armor and 5xxx resists. I will use it if we're in trouble and I'm still far from morale 3. It's pretty good, if you think about it. It's like a DoKs 1001 Dark Blessings only without the upped block, parry, fantasy bollocks part and its right at Morale 2 instead of 4. A good trade, if you ask me.

So what tactics fit in this remarkably soft do-or-die play style? Restorative Burst (the extra AP makes DoP spammable), Blessings of Chaos (a career defining tactic for every Zealot as it makes all healing 25% more effective; with so many heal debuffs flying around, you're gonna want this), Discipline (since I'm wearing full Sovereign I can't mix and match to cap willp) and Manipulation.

Now, Manipulation is purely for the lols of it. It has a 25% chance to deal 25% of a direct heal as damage to my offensive target. I've stolen many a deathblow with it and it is a fairly intriguing tactic. I have never seen it blocked or disrupted or suffer any kind of avoidance. If I critically heal, the damage it deals is, as expected, greater but, in addition to that, Manipulation can crit on its own. So, inadvertently, I can be dealing 700ish damage on a tank every 2.5 seconds on a purely healing build. Just for the lols.

Sample of Manipulation and Windblock while pure healing.

The one other thing I use for damage is Morale 4, Windblock. I have been using this forever now because... well... It's useful in funnels, no matter what side you're on. It deals 1800 damage all around you and places a 50% heal debuff. The animation, on the other hand, might be one of the worst in the game. I heard it called the "papier-mache wings" once and it couldn't be more accurate. Although giving me wings to kill off my opponents seems like a marvelous idea, I have to wonder why Alter Fate (something I have yet to see ANY healer use) has such a cooler animation than Windblock.

Anyways, for my effort I was rewarded with rr 83 and I'm well on my way to 84. Also, I was actively asked for advice on healing which always makes me happy. I must be doing something right. But take everything I say with a fistful of salt. Or don't. That would be nasty and unhealthy.

WAR: Don't Cross Da Beams!

2011-07-26T23:54:00.001+01:00

We had a lot of fun during Gobbo night this past weekend. And, although I could spend this time going on about how 24 goblins bashing on a ram is all about Order can take, I won't. Sorry if the title fooled you. I'm sure Boots has that covered. And I wouldn't want to read all about it again if I were someone who dropped by.

I have been spending most of my time on an old project: finishing up all the quests in the game and getting as many Tome of Knowledge unlocks as I possibly can. I'm friends with a player that once asked for my assistance in finishing up a PQ. He's quite the competent little Magus so I stood (and stand) ready to help qhenever he asks. He then admited he was trying to go through every single PQ in the game. I found it odd, at the time, but the idea stuck with me. Guess I have him to thank for this.

During my travels I have found some interesting/disturbing things.

For instance: did you know there's a small cove in The Blighted Isle (or is it Chrace) that has nothing but rank 9 Champions and Heroes? (I know you knew, Tru.) And there's nothing there. Nothing. I killed them all and inspected the place thoroughly.

I also discovered another interesting/disturbing bug in WAR. I completed an unlock (kill 100 spites, something easily accomplished in a PQ in Ostland, otherwise known as Cheeseland) and this unlock was supposed to reward me with a Bestial Token. It didn't so I filed an appeal. Imagine my disbelief when, upon answering my appeal, the CSR informed me that I indeed had a Bestial Token in my backpack and asked me if I could please go through it again. The thing was there, only it was invisible. HA! Invisible currency! I wish that was a first.

I also came across a curious mob called The Herald. What does it do, I wondered. It did nothing but vainly try and kill me so I killed it back and got a title. And a scrap of paper. The whole thing sounded familiar but I can't place it. Oh well, mustn't be anything important, I'm sure.

The night ended with me accidentaly roaming into Order territory and getting shot to grisly death by camp guards. I'll continue roaming the wilds for unlocks. Specially because there's one about Wolf habitat in The Blighted Isle I can't seem to find. I now hold a personal grudge against a fairly useless piece of trivia over PvE in a PvP game. Hurray for me.

Poker Alho

2011-07-21T00:46:00.000+01:00

Never mind the title. Just a little play on words.

When I was a little girl... I knew nothing about poker and very little about card games in general. In fact, I'm still a bit fuzzy on the ground rules for "Go Fish". After I grew up... I still knew nothing about Poker, although I had tried my hand at a few bouts of Gin Rummy (unsuccessfully).

It was around the time I started losing interest in college that I found a hidden taste for Poker. I can assure you, one never had anything to do with the other. I have never spent a dime with this habit. Wait, wait. That's not true.

I learned the basics of playing Poker with a videogame. The game was... I'm not really sure now but I'm going to go with Sega Casino for the NDS. Probably part of my bathroom rotation. Either way, the game had instructions and a list of winning hands and that's all you really need to learn to play Texas Hold'em. After a few days I started earning fake money instead of restarting the game over and over. I grew to like Texas Hold'em, even if, to this day, I still rely on the computer to tell me if a Flush beats a Straight.

Eventually I wanted a better game of Poker so I purchased Governor of Poker. Governor of Poker can be found as a free flash game where you play small tournaments and are then able to buy properties in small towns in the WWWest. With the revenue from your properties you get funds to play more games and off you go. Eventually you get to buy up whole towns and then everything in the good ole state o' Texas making you, in actuality, the Governor. I was always fairly good at it and Mike would aways sneer at me and say "so why don't you play for real money then?" (You know, I make him out to be such a badass gangsta but he's actually a very sweet guy). I never did though, and I resign myself to watching the Pokerchannel on tv (until they switch the damn thing to french and then I'm severely put off).

So here comes the reason for this post: does anyone out there know of a reliable online poker site and payment methods where a girl could start small and maybe earn a bit of extra income? I don't need anything extra fancy like pkr.com and I'd like a friendly community that doesn't trounce a noob.

Assassin's Hay

2011-07-18T23:34:00.000+01:00

It's the first time I'm playing the game, mostly because Mike would frown everytime I brought it up. But I needed something new to play on these long hours while he's at work and WAR's population is lacking. So. I bought Assassin's Creed.

I didn't know much about the game but I knew that it was set in the present but you played in the past. Didn't require a huge cerebral strain to figure out how they'd pull that off. But what I didn't know was how much assassinating would I have to go around doing and how easily I could get away with it. This last one gave me pause as I was unable to eve rplay more than 5 minutes of any Metal Gear due to my inate inability to stay hidden.

I was delighted to realize that assassinating in Assassin's Creed is usually nothing more than clapping your hands, perfurating an enemy body with a blade and then clapping your hands again until you find a bale of hay to dive into. Oh, what fun. It seems that, because the game doesn't sport a persistent bloodstain feature, the only way for soldiers to suspect you of any wrong doing is if you stand next to a dead body holding a blade. Alternatively, if you stand next to a dead body with your hands clasped you "blend" with the crowd (even if no one else in the crowd has their hands clasped) enough that even if you're the only one there, you mustn't have been the one.

Kill u in da streets!

If you think this ludicrous mechanic left me jaded or unsympathetic towards the game you'd be severely mistaken. Whenever I pull one of those off I yell "Shield of Invisibility!"; whenever I sit on a bench I holler "Bench of the Inconspicuous!"; when I dive ribs first into a mound of hay I'll shout "Everybody say HAY! HO!" You see, I don't give a rats ass about the assassinating bit. I could very well live without it. What I did like was the parkouring side of the game.

I was a big fan of Prince of Persia. Not the original one and certainly none of the ones that came after Chesty Jake. No, I'm a fan of the cell-shaded 360 one. Why? Because it was a parkouring game with no further aspirations. It reminded me of Ico and Shadow of Colossus where the most important thing is navigating terrain and, boy, does AC ever have terrain to navigate. And bug-eyed horses that look like they'll kill you or sodomize you when you turn your back but will, in reality, always follow you loyally even if you hack and slash at them for a bit as a stress reliever.

Ah... Good times. I love a good "find all the flags" game. I wonder if the sequels are as relaxing as this one. If so, they may just squeeze a few more Euros out of me.

WAR: I'm Warning You...

2011-07-13T01:43:00.000+01:00

I've been mostly quiet these past few days, I know. I have a few things on my mind. Like, slotting in the balls to either start actively job hunting and/or spring cleaning around the house. When it boils down to it, playing WAR is much more apetizing. Hey, look what I did (after three gruesome years of love and hate)!

Speaking of hate. I've been near ragequitting lately because and solely because of scenarios and how it seems that the basic mechanic of them has gone straight to shit. By basic mechanic I mean that, whenever they are killed, players are able to respawn in a safe haven (known to most as the Respawn Point) in waves of 30 seconds. This place is surrounded by Elite Guards who snipe enemies who get too close in order to give players a fair chance at regrouping.

OH REALLY NOW?!

What? Don't listen? Surely, you jest! Surely, this is something out of the norm and that doesn't happen on every other fucking scenario?! Surely they are not all bugged! It's not like they pop for no good reason even when there's only a single person in the ~~Battle for~~ queue!

You might as well just remove the bugged ones out of the rotation for a while because going through these motions just to not get the quitter debuff is pain I didn't sign up for. Still waiting for an explanation.

C'mon Mythic....

2011-07-09T00:32:00.000+01:00

Yes, there are new things coming to WAR, yes you're working and developing but... Christ. There are things RIGHT HERE that you can fix and can make us happy and proud!

What's that guard doing? Taking in the scenery from a better vantage point?

Or maybe they're contemplating the possibility of running of and pursuing a life of piracy?

God, this makes me soooo maaaaad! The fact there were exploiters on Order side didn't help either.

It's been two years for fucks sake. These things shouldn't happen. There's no excuse for buggy guards!

No excuse.

I'm tired now.

WAR: People You Meet

2011-07-05T12:00:00.001+01:00

I was in an Altdorf today when, look who I find (Off target).

So I smiled at him because I was happy. Because, you know, I found him. I smile to Aeoluw too, if he ever lets me live long enough.

And for the rest of the evening guess who starts harrassing me like a drunk spinster at a wedding. Which is cool and all, except when everybody else starts doing it and what at first seemed like a pleasant evening where I might actually finally ding 78 turned out to consist of me fleeing from a pair of tanks who were making my night miserable. Yes because out of the blue comes this Eanerion fellow proving every SM qqer out there just how wrong they are.

Although Blackguards are pretty sweet too.

I'm never smiling again!

Bits Bobs

2011-07-04T16:11:00.000+01:00

In the middle of some mild exams. Will be back soon with some exposition.

Leaving you with a picture of my favorite heroes.

You'll always have a place in my heart

WAR: Guilds

2011-06-30T14:08:00.000+01:00

Lots of wasted potential here.

Or maybe I'm wrong?

WAR is a PvP game by definition and, as most of you know, when people contend with other people, it is more efficient to do it in numbers. I mean, that's what wars are all about. If that wasn't the case, heads of state would be going at it in the rink, head to head, mano a mano, for our viewing pleasure. Like lions or moose or bears.

However entertaining this notion might be, mankind soon realised there is strength in numbers and that was that, really. It only makes sense that, in virtual wars people try to stick together to battle it out in numbers towards the win.

In WAR, guilds are the ultimate representation of grouping for a fight. People in a Guild like each other and learn to function effectively as a team. In a game that throws man against man in competition, in even grounds, the team that uses men (and I use the term "man" loosely here) most efficiently, wins. So it would make sense that guilds were more important in this game than what they currently are.

I was bored one day so I started scribbling down some ideas on how to make Guilds in WAR more interesting and relevant.

Standard Bearers - Nowadays standard bearers are nothing more than Renown leeching facilitators. They run a bit faster, they're immune to damage for a short while, are able to grant the enemy CC immunity and they're able to ressurrect one person once every blue moon. Even those Aqshy things in CoC (is it just me? Really?) do more than that.Why not make standard bearing more interesting and relevant? Bearing a standard in a real fight is just boooooooooooooooooring and they occupy a vital slot in a party instead of someone that could be dealing damage, preventing damage or healing hit points.

Hasty collage on the importance of standard bearers over the ages.

If you're intent on this play-as-monster thing or whatever, change standard bearing to give you useful abilites like a bellow that increases morale by a dramatic amount or one that drains it from the enemy; the bearer could yell out an order to increase damage output in detriment of self preservation or command everyone to turtle up and sacrifice dps. Something, you know? Force a SB to make vital decisions in the midst of battle; to be a leader, an inspiration. Because, as it stands, you only carry a standard out if you're pugging and want to leech a bit more renown. And I'm pretty sure standard bearers are more important in the tabletop than that.

Guild Trophies - I hear rumours that there is something in the game about guild trophies only it's not implemented. That would be nice though, wouldn't it? I'm sure anyone can conjecture about ways of gaining siad trophies (killing certain PvE bosses X times; winning X scenarios with guild only members in a party; gaining X renown in ORvR) but what would they be for? I have no idea what the original plan was, I haven't looked into the subject much, but I'm sure I can improvise something here on the fly. Let's see... maybe certain trophies could grant the guild's standard bearers with afore mentioned abilities. Other trophies could grant guild members access to store bought items like potions and talismans. Or even unlock access to new areas or dungeons where no man dares tread alon. Oh, but that would entail new content wouldn't it? Hmmm...

Bah. Doesn't matter. Again, just territory my mind wandered off to while I was bored and answering phones. I'm sure the developers could think of and... develop something better and more exciting than this. I mean, that's what they're there for, right?

Right?

WAR: Patch Smoothie, IN PICTURES!

2011-06-29T12:36:00.000+01:00

As in, how you put things in a blender and they get all smooth simply because they've been obliterated.

Ok, so it wasn't that bad. It wasn't good either.

I logged in on my Zealot a bit late to ask for a premade spot to try out the new sc.

'No room! There's no room!' they all shouted. I reduced myself to my own insignificance and decided to at least log on my characters which had had their careers refunded.

Decided to start with the Squig Herder as he was the one in most dire need of a little boost. I didn't expect the patch to be some life-saving miracle potion but there was potential for him to be at least a bit more impactful with his meager 33 renown ranks. Off I went, cheery as could be, off to the monolith to educate me. As I was riding the short ride to the trainers and my computer starting freezing up (because the new graphics card drivers I installed because of APB seem to not agree with WAR too much), I glanced at my action bars.

That couldn't be right. I was expecting a few abilities to be missing as I currently had no mastery points spent but... that was way too many, right? So I turn left to head to the Career Trainer first. Out of sheer curiosity, I clicked "Career Abilities" first.

Everything from rank 23 to 40 was still there. A million things ran through my mind. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought was "maybe it's my fault. Maybe I just forgot to buy everything for a year and now I'm simply being stupid". But Shoot Trough Ya, I remember using that in the Eternal Citadel the other day. And the rank 1 Morale for AP on the Squig Frenzy event. Oh, WAR. Making me doubt myself so you'll look good.

Then I thought "maybe this is working as intended. Maybe, because of the changes, they decided to reset the normal abilities as well to give you the choice to buy the new tactic or not."

But that's not how things have always worked in previous patches. They refund your Mastery and your Renown training but not the actual Career training. It felt off, somehow. So I did a /who Kill Frenzy to try and find any helpful squigsters online. When I did I asked "hi, so did they reset your career abilities too?" And he replied "yeah, because of the changes."

It wasn't just me. I sighed, relieved and proceeded with a little small talk, ready to laugh back on that turmoil of feelings I'd just gone through. "Well I just found it weird, because I'm used to Mastery and Renown resets but not all three of them." An awkward silence ensued. "Err, wait...," he said at length.

So I resorted to /advice where people made the same mistake of thinking I meant normal Mastery training. After setting the record straight the answer everybody agreed on was "that's weird".

So I filed an appeal where I very civilly explained what had happened and how I found it "odd". I appended that I was going to make sure the same thing hadn't happened on my Magus and that's what I did.

So it was that I was expeditiously contacted by a CSR when I was on my Magus - which is in the guild - and so provided a short comical interlude for all present. Mostly because when I pressed "r" to reply to the CSR the damn thing didn't work and so I was at a loss on how to answer this yellow-type chat at first.

Yes. They paid me off. Upon returning to my SH I verified it. I was now worth 20g and 30silver. I was....

Lukewarm. That's what I was. I can't say I was dissatisfied. After all, this was not a widespread problem, a patch scourge like the unattackable keeps of '010 or the vanishing Chaos Wastes mailbox of '09 (I'm making up numbers here. I don't know dates). So I guess a quick-fix was in order. I think I understand their policy in this.

I remember when WAR cared enough for me to mention me in their monthly Herald. Now they care enough to pay me off when things go awry. It's not that I think they should've done something different but... Times sure have changed... I feel special now, alright. I get bugs all to myself.

WAR: Forever a Noob

2011-06-27T13:14:00.001+01:00

I have decided Badunion is not a man but an entire legion.
It's the only explanation.

When I was a toddler I used to think that if I strained myself when going to the bathroom my heart may come out with the undesirables and I'd die. Although there's a bottom (*snicker*) of truth to this, I eventually learned otherwise. My point being, people evolve and better themselves. There's always room for growth and one may literally learn something new every day.

Take yesterday. Yesterday, after a weekend of leveling Drquinn, Medicine Gobbo in T1, I went back to my main in T4 and, after an embarrassingly bad run through Altdorf, we were convinced - by the last of a short line of Blackguards to inspire me - to give ToVL a go. So I grabbed my Magus and off we went.

Upon finishing the quest to open the door, Chioko, for it was he, gathered us up and whispered:

'I have a secret, you know...'

'Oh really,' we all said. 'Pray tell, oh wise Chico, what is this fabulous secret you hold?'

'Well', he said coyly, 'I know how we can manipulate what mobs we get in the fifth boss fight.'

'Why, Chico! This is wonderful news!' We all nodded approvingly and carried him on our shoulders until we got to the third boss.

'Now,' he said knowingly, 'we need to kill honored dead. You will notice they have different names like "Honored Curate" and "Honored Champion". The 10 honored dead we kill now will be the ones we'll have to fight when we get to the fifth boss.'

'OOOOOH!' was the response we all agreed upon. Because it kind of made sense. In a way. So we killed every single champion and two adepts. They seem to be the easiest ones to deal with. We were really excited about this. We all had our share of bad memories regarding the fifth boss. It is an annoying fight with a lot of randomness and the ability to control what mobs you get makes it a LOT more manageable. But if you knew about this you might have noticed a slight contradiction. Maybe not a contradiction, maybe more of an inconsistency, an untruth. A fail. We'll get to it shortly.

Dextrose killed by Aeo and company.
I've gotten much better since. Honest!

During the third boss I also learned something useful for a healer. It seems that he puts up a curse on people that makes them deal less damage and healers are supposed to cleanse it. I never knew. Honestly. But in this honesty I must also place the blame on Lil. Yes, you read me. He was the first healer I ever ran ToVL with and I never heard of this curse then. I never cleansed it (I don't even know if I can) but we never needed to to down it. Oh well. It doesn't matter. At least now I know. And I still look up to him. I think I always will.

You see, we were so excited with this third boss thing we even wiped once or twice but after we did kill it and breezed through the 4th one (which is still the same boss) we get to the 5th boss (which is still the same boss) and guess what mobs we find? Yes. Three Curates and two Occultists. Exactly the ones we didn't kill. Oh... right... So, I guess he can only use the mobs we didn't bash to a dusty pile. That kind of makes sense. More sense.

Well, now we know and, as they say:

Dolce Far Niente

2011-06-24T11:09:00.002+01:00

Another four day weekend (well, almost. I'm actually at the office today) so I'm taking another break and finishing another single player game.

I miss WAR though. Isn't that weird? I miss it truly. I miss all aspects of it. I hate loveing WAR so much, honestly. I wish I loved something cooler.

Well, I'm going to go write some more bad fiction on my old blog. No point writing it here, where all the cool kids can see it and mock me.

See ya Monday!

I've still got that Dragon/Lamp thing, unfortunately. And that desk. And that hand.
The cat is dead, though. So is the keyboard

Laughing Not So Loud

2011-06-22T18:01:00.000+01:00

Just sharing the lulz today, this day when I don't have much to say.

And now you can go away.

Come back some other day! :)

Fable III: To Get Or Not To Get!

2011-06-21T15:27:00.000+01:00

After the whole APB frustrating debackle, I found myself still craving for a game where I could hunt down and collect various pieces of customisable gear. WAR filled the immediate gap (although it is not that immediately gear dependable) and I was sacciated for the day after dying a chest piece a different color.

I had left the 360 on during the night after going through another one of my Demo binges. I had a lot of crap and potential gems waiting for me. One such Demo was Fable III.

I've played and finished both the previous titles but I hadn't heard anything relevant about the third one yet. Maybe that was a good thing? But, surely, if the game was awesome I would've heard so by now. That's how I ended up buying Mass Effect: I'd heard about it.

I started it up and the first impression I got was 'My GOD this is slow'. I mean, the intro sequence suffered a low FPS rate. I felt bad for not having an appropriate machine to run the game for just half a second until I remembered this is a console we're talking about. So that was disappointing. But I got past it once the introduction was done and I was allowed to move my character around. The character design is a bit more cartoonish than before but I really don't care. I didn't notice if the game had a subtitle option but I hope so because I live in a zone that suffers from a high air-traffic rate. While I can understand english dialogue perfectly without the aid of subtitles, I can't halt airplanes in mid-flight because a particularly interesting cutscene is starting.

I won't bore you with the details of how I ended up murdering what was supposedly the love of my life to save a few peasants I'd never met. I wanted some action. After a long winding hike through bat country, I finally found the light of day only to be prompted back to a cave that serves as your menu. Fine. That doesn't bother me. As long as it's fast to get there, the menu could be a damn chicken, I could care less.

The whole demo felt very Fable-y. And the main aspect that enforced this feeling was the music. You've got to hand it to Lionhead, they're loyal to their tunes. The music in Fable is unchanged since the first installment of the series and, in my opinion, this is no bad thing. The score is good enough to withstand the test of time and soothing enough to set an epic mood without intruding. Did I hear that Danny Elfman had a hand in it? Well, that would explain a great deal.

In any case, after acquiring all the possible weapon types, the demo drew to a close and I was left salivating for more. It wasn't groundbreaking and I heard it's very very short. Short to the point of being over when you start getting into it, and are then left to help prostitutes clear out their territory of competition. Meh.

I don't know. I'm completely torn. Should I buy it? It's only €30 which is half the price I'd pay if I went out and bought a new game in a box. I'm guessing it has some entertainment value but I'm also bracing for a disappointment. But is it worth me spending my money if I already am bracing for disappointment? Is there anything better out there for me to spend my €30?

APB: Reloaded Once Too Many

2011-06-20T17:47:00.000+01:00

There was this hubbub going around APB and what good times were being had by many. Not liking being left out of the rain, I decided to have a go at it. I went about it with the angelic ingenuity of someone simply interested on something different they had heard was fun. I knew nothing about the game, its past, its present or where it might be headed. I knew it had guns and cars and that you could commit crimes or enforce the law. I didn't even know what APB stood for. I do now.

I knew I had to become a member of this 'GamersFirst' thing and that was ok. I liked their name even. Inspired confidence and fuzzy feelings. I even liked them on Facebook, for whatever its worth. The download through their client took a bit too long and I found myself looking for something to play in the meantime. Never a good omen. But I've had to reinstall WAR once or twice, no biggie, and I've also purchased things on the PS3 where if the downloading isn't excrutiatingly long you always have the installing to look forward to. I'm a pro at waiting.

A few hours later the game was ready to go. Or so I thought. Turns out there were a few patches that needed running but I was expecting that. No problem, I had to make dinner anyway.

So I come back with my eggs just in time to load up the game and enjoy the intro cinematic. The background story isn't too bad but neither is it borderline good. But it doesn't need to be. That's not why you play a game like this. Both the intro cinematic and the loading screens were appealing to me. I liked them. I've become a pro connoisseur of loading screens. They were at least more entertaining than a loading screen informing me that "Flee" is a useful skill for fleeing. Quite.

Right around the time I was done with my eggs I entered the famed character creation. I'd heard it was pretty complex and, being a fan of The Sims myself, I was quite pleased with this. The level of complexity didn't disappoint even if the hand symbol to symbolize a slider was, at first, completely lost on me (maybe more so because during the first 5 minutes there were no '+' or '-' signs anywhere but they eventually showed up). So I made what would be me if I was male and a pissed off cop and I called him Baptist. I considered calling him The Baptist but I figured the game didn't allow for spaces in the name and I didn't want to seem presumptuous.

I prepared to enter the tutorial and be completely immersed in a world of reckless gunfighting and less than proper law enforcement. I decided to fool around with the controls for a bit. I'm the proud owner of a G13 and, by God, I was going to take full advantage of this expensive tool. I needed to make a new profile because all my WAR bindings weren't helping. In fact, my WAR flooded brain wasn't helpful when I tried to move forward by pressing both mouse buttons (which resulted in me firing a shower of bullets on startled newbies). My plans of changing key bindings and whatnot were sent to the backburner when I discovered an option to import my music library. I could just picture Baptist in his custom hoody, cruising around with his custom top down listening to his custom playlist.

Punkbuster ruined all those dreams. Imagine my dismay when, 3% shy from import completion I get one of the snazzy complex GIF loading-screens telling me that Punkbuster failed to update and that this was a bad thing. My first immediate thought was "who is this Punkbuster person and why is it kicking me?" I transmited my concerns to the next desk and they promptly explained what Punkbuster was. Main thing I retained from that explanation was how WAR had used it during Beta for like a week and then discarded it completely because it raised too many issues.

My next hour was spent Googling for ways to fix this issue and I finally figured out I was going to have to update Punkbuster manually. I frowned a bit at the unprofessional looking site. It reminded me a lot of GameCopyWorld and that's never a good thing. Ok maybe I'm a little spoiled from expecting a site to look like it was designed this century.

So I swallowed my fear and downloaded their app and updated it manually. 'That should take care of that', I thought. So off I went, to clean up some grafitti. They told me I could spawn a vehicle at parkingmeters (when, in actuality, parkingmeters are more often known to despawn vehicles due to lack of payment. Hmm, so that's where they end up...) but I couldn't find a parkingmeter so I walked. Its ok. I like walking. Maybe I could get him Chun-Li like calves from all the walking. After the grafitti was clean and I was strolling back to base I finally found a parking meter. I spawned a patroler and hoped in. I immediately fumbled with the controls trying to change the tune. Meshuggah isn't really my thing. I quickly learned one thing: I did the world a favor by never getting my driver's license. I hadn't gone five meters and I'd already bumped two vehicles and killed a pedestrian. But I wasn't the lucky one. As I laughed my ass off from my incompetence I was competently sideswiped by another amateur. Further down the road some other people fumbled with the driving controls against poles, pedestrians, parkingmeters and a myriad of other things starting with the letter P.

So I slowly dragged the car around until I stumbled upon what I think was a criminal. I'm not sure. Because I couldn't kill him. I saw him, mowing down civillians like nobody's business and I was sure that someone with so little regard for simulated life had to be brought to justice. So I started firing. First of all, I didn't know what the reload button was. I only knew how to shoot because of my continuous mishaps trying to mvoe forward. So, every time I ran out of clips I just dodged behind a palm tree. The perp (teehee) crouched behind his vehicle and popped his head up to find me from time to time. This felt downright epic. If the game was about this I was so totally playing it for years. I circled one last palm tree and unloaded one entire clip right in his face. And he did the same. And nothing happened. 'Oh, maybe you can't kill anybody in the tutorial zone? Or maybe... he's not a criminul. Huh,' I pondered as I hopped away. He kept sooting at me but I wasn't going to keep wasting ammo, time and, most importantly, patience on this. I had walls to scrub down.

It was during the course of this battle that I had realised something was terribly wrong with my keybindings. I could only move right (which had mad my path through the palm trees quite predictable and fatal if the bullets had done any actual damage). It was time to fix the G13 issue for good. I tried a whole bunch of stuff even reconnecting the thing but I soon went from not being able to move left to not being able to move at all. Frustrated, I propelled my hand forward and proceeded to use the WASD on my 1337 Pro-Gaming 10€ Chinese keyboard. The WASD is green. With it I discovered that my absolute nabness in driving had something to do with my inability to swirve left unless I was in reverse. Hmm.

In the process of trying to tackle down the supposed criminal I had succeeded in losing my vehicle and I couldn't find another spawn thingy. So I walked. I walked for a very long time, dodging incoming charges from players who hadn't lost their vehicles but shouldn't be allowed to drive either. While I was walking I was thinking 'If this was WAR, I would've unlocked a title by now. Something like The Pedestrian. Yes, I'd like that.'

I finally managed to finish the tutorial and I decided to pay a visit to the Social District where I assumed any kind of character customization took place. Hours had gone by at this point but I was still positive about the game. The tutorial hadn't been bad, even if a bit anti-climatic. I know wanted to change out of my training t-shirt into something less noobish. Nothing anywhere Indicated where I might change outfit. Silly me, I thought you could change clothes from your inventory but there are special booths for it. Just like there are special booths for costumizing your vehicle, your music, your symbols. In the booth where you can change your face I discovered Baptist was not quite what I'd designed him to be. He looked less sneering badass and There's a booth for everything and the last booth I happened upon (after much Googling and 30 minutes of jumping up and down stairs) was the outfit one. It looked cool, the things you could change. But I was a noob and a poor one at that so my choices were quite limited.

After I was out of my training sweat pants I decided It was a good time to try and kill someone. For "real" this time. So I stepped out to the Waterfront. As soon as I got a whiff of fresh urban air, the game crashed. 'Ok sooo, fuck this then' I said, stretching back in my chair. I'd had enough. 'Another day perhaps,' we agreed upon shaking hands.

Another day, the very next day in fact, I woke up willing to give it another go. The G13 still wasn't working but my wrist was feeling a bit better. To the Waterfront it was. I pledged my services to an ethnically charged NPC and off I went, on foot. Things were happening, killing streaks were being had and ended by many. I stepped out and almost immediately found people shooting at each other. I wasn't grouping with anyone because I know what Pugging leads to. Now the game proposed another challenge. Since anyone can customise their character however they want, everyone looks gangsta. If everyone looks gangsta, how do you know what to kill? Well, I saw one individual with a "?symbol?" different from that shield thing and so I thought that should be it. But I emptied a few dozen clips in his direction to no avail. By the way he swaggered in my direction I could assume one of two things was about to happen: 1) he would shoot me dead with the sheer power of his übeness; 2) he would stare me down, slap me in the nape and say "You twat". I wasn't having either and I logged off never to log on again.

Truth is, maybe I didn't give APB the chance it deserved. I really looked forward to it but the journey was too bumpy for me to enjoy the final reward. I don't think I'll ever pick it up again, to be honest. I couldn't even use my gaming accessory (G13) in a game supposed to consider Gamers First. Maybe I decided to play a few WAR scenarios while I figured out what to play instead and I ended up playing for some 4 hours. Guess I'll stick with what I know for now.

Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan

2011-06-17T15:47:00.001+01:00

Some 6 years ago I was in Japan, marvelling at a world where I definitely didn't belong. When the time came to return to the hotel for the second or third shower of the day (you've never experienced summer until you experience a tropical summer) I'd lie in bed with my jaw slacked in awe, eyes gaping at the television screen. It was a parade of odities: weird gameshows, lots of people getting wet and to this day I wish western TV was more like that.

This one commercial caught my eye.

'I must have this!' I yelled, as I shook my boyfriend at the time by the collars. I don't much remember what happened during the next chunk of the trip right until the moment when we found ourselves in Akihabara mimicing and gesturing to people so they would point us in the direction of this my Holy Grail.

It was the early days of the Nintendo DS and I was yet to see any game that really... reeled me in. But I saw in this the potential for greatness, the addictiveness that would follow. Japan was personified in this game and, so help me God, I wasn't leaving Japan without it!

We finally found it and the game was everything I was hoping for and more. Sure, I had no idea what it was spewing out at me but the beauty of it is, I didn't need to. I knew how to recognise the words "YES" and "NO" so I knew enough to press retry when I lost a level.

And what magnificent levels! I spent around two or three years completely finishing this game and its sequel: Moero! Nekketsu Rhythm Damashii (or Osu 2 as I always called it). The sequel is the same game with different songs and that is more than enough for me.

Unfortunately the trend stuck and they were quick to create a version for us Western folk and thus was born Elite Beat Agents. I'm not a big fan of this third installment of the series. It's a bit cheesy. Sure it had more songs, most of them i knew, some of them I wish I never had. But it didn't hold a candle to the previous ones. Playing with disco MIB just doesn't do it for me.

Every now and then you'll see me going back to these two games I worked so hard for; these two games that cost me the screen of two NDSs and about 3 styluseseses. Totally worth it.

What Would You Do?

2011-06-16T12:06:00.000+01:00

Watch this.

I'll explain: this woman tried to kill herself by jumping from a pole into the Tagus river. Apparently the pole wasn't high enough and she just succeeded in getting horribly bruised, humilliated and wet.

The comments section for this video is full of condescending people wondering why the people who were filming this didn't try to stop her or didn't rush over to help. Others frown upon the dude that was casually stretching his hand out from time to time in the eventuality the woman got her shit together and finally reached the small pier.

I myself enjoyed the this-did-not-just-happen-kind of 'No...' that the guy with the camera uttered and the not-so-encouraging 'you're almost there...' from a girl watching the struggling suicidee.

What would you do? Would you jump in and help her? (The water is as healthy as it looks; meaning it's not.) Would you not? Would you panic? Would you blame all those people that didn't actually help her in a significative way? My reaction upon first hearing the story was 'if she wanted to die so much that she actuallly jumped, why didn't she just resign and drown?' Does that make me cruel?

Does it make me a bad person that I don't care if I sound cruel? Does it make you a good person if you think I sound cruel? Who ultimately cares? I guess that if I thought about it enough to actually post about it, I can't be that bad. Look at me! I'm a nice girl afterall! I don't have it coming at all! XD

Valkyria Chronicles: Buy the Game, Play the Anime

2011-06-15T14:48:00.000+01:00

This was my first impression of the game. I first stumbled upon its demo in the PSN Store. It was free, it was Anime-ish so I got it. A few minutes later, when I was done with it, my gut hungered for more. I promptly ordered it through Amazon.

But what is it, exactly? Labeling games nowadays is a tricky business so I usually resort to an entity infinitely wiser than me for answers: Wikipedia. According to this semi-deity, VC is a Tactical Roleplaying game, a Third Person Shooter and a Real Time Strategy game. From the time I've invested in this game I think it's safe to say I'm a TRPGTPSRTS kind of girl. I never knew.

The game's setting can be said to be based on WWI (more so than WWII in most respects). It is set in Europa instead of Europe but that to me, as a Portuguese native speaker, is exactly the same. It also tries to incorporate some Norse mythology tidbits (Valkyria, ~~Ragnarok~~ Ragnite) but, honestly, I could hardly tell the difference. The whole Valkyria thing is vaguely impactful on the whole and it goes largely unnoticed throughout the course of this TRPGTP.... thing. You are part of the militia of the small Principality of Gallia (does this mean we're the frenchies?) that sits smackdab between the two major opposing forces, the Imperial Alliance and the Atlantic Federation. They are both the baddies as they want to take advantage of your ~~slender virgin body~~ country's natural resources.

What first caused me to download it was the whole pungent smell of Anime. The game might as well be set in a Japanese high-school for all the drama involved. It is entirely cell-shaded and has no pretenses whatsoever of being realistic. The people who made it have a serious thing for pigtails. But I can look past that. The gameplay, to me, is all I could ask for.

Outside of battle you can spend money to develop weapons and armor for your squad and trade experience for battle commands and leveling up your troops. All of these facets are extremely straight-forward: you can choose which class of soldier to spend experience on and when they level up they supposedly get better, although you have no hand on how; when researching there is only a simple tree to follow for each weapon/armor type that forks three ways (at best) giving you the choice between firepower, accuracy or status changing effects.

In the battle itself you get a varying amount of Command Points, depending on the units you choose to fight with you. Certain units add to your Command pool. Each CP lets you control one unit, moving it around and attacking once in real time. That would be the FPS part.

Besides the core characters around which the FMVs revolve you get to fill up your squad with other members, each one with their own background, voices and potentials (potentials are situational bonuses or drawbacks that range from accuracy boosts from standing atop a sniping tower to hp draining caused by an allergy to dust). If you ever played a game for the Dreamcast called Skies of Arcadia you will no doubt recognise Vyse and Aika.

The more you play with certain squad members the more of their story you get to know. Their stories are chronicled (big shock huh) in one of the pages of the book. Because, yes, the wole game is one big book where you play the battles depicted in each chapter and the cutscenes are just interesting paragraphs the author added for flavor. This also means that you can review any story event you've already witnessed and that you can skip some scenes entirely if you really don't care to know a bit more. The game only forces you to go through parts that make the whole thing make sense. But you can skip the musings of a solitary confinement prisioner if you're not particularly interested. And if the battles really tickle your fancy there's a whole section of skirmish battles you can grind to your heart's content. The book also has a Weaponry tab if you want to know detailed information about fictitious weapons and vehicles and a Glossary tab, for more clues on the meaning of some terms and the history behind some prejudices.

Because the game is so Anime/Manga reminiscint (so much so that they went on to publish both Anime and Manga based on it) you have the option of listening to it all in Japanese. I wouldn't recommend it, though, as the voice actress charged with Alicia is near the most annoying thing to ever (dis)grace my ears.

The main management of the game is deciding who to bring to the field and to do what. Soldier's traits decide how well they fight with other soldiers and how they will fare faced with certain situations. Some will be fiercely hateful towards the Empire (which was modeled after a German/Russian blend from WWII whose soldiers and commander, for once, don't all speak with an English accent), others will like being around certain people. Knowing when to bring a sniper or a tank-killer can change the entire flow and outcome of a battle.

But you know what? Best thing you can do is go get the demo. The only reason I can see for someone to not like the game is them being fiercely anti-Anime. Or maybe you don't like tanks and shooting things.

Maybe I don't like you either.... Oh, who am I kidding. I love you guys.

Nintendo: Dig a Hole, Dig a Hole, Dig a Hole

2011-06-14T15:51:00.000+01:00

Thanks, it's great to be back, yall. Why, yes, I did have a relaxing four-day weekend, thank you. WAR? No I spent most of it lounging on the couch playing Valkyria Chronicles. For four days. And I'm not nearly done with it yet. Expect a post on it soon. Oh my, it seems I have a lot on my mind. I'll show you how well I can go on. I can go on as long as a pro.

I did get out of the house once (yes, once in four days) to hang out with some friends because I was ordered to because I'm not some kind of wiry haired shut-in. Yet. We played some Munchkin. I won. Totally worth it. Then, as we were all getting a bit tired of dying to inanely named monsters we pulled out the liquor and delved into our favorite subject. The history and future of the gaming industry. Fresh on our minds (at least on Mike's mind he's the one that reads Kotaku) was E3 and a few things he'd read about it. I had read a few myself, from my fellow bloggers. But the conversation was quickly dominated by the one we once loved and now regret: Nintendo.

I was never that big of a Nintendo fan myself, honestly, but one half of this conversation (their real names shall not be used but for illsutrative purposes let's call them Mike and Jay) are both avid Nintendo geeky fanboys. They wear their Nintendo t-shirts proudly. And yet they were the fiercest critics of Nintendo's bad choices in the last... decades.

It all started... well I'm not sure when it all started but I'm pretty sure Mario had something to do with it. No, thats wrong of me, I'm biased. You see, I hate Mario with a passion. If he was real I'd track him down and clubber him to a red puddle with a pipe for the irony of it. Mario made me hate side-scrollers of any kind. Mario made me hate platformers. Mario made me hate italian plumbers (at least fictitious ones). While it may not have started with Mario per se, Mario is definitely part of the problem. He represents a stale status quo from which Nintendo seems reluctant to shake free from. The problem, the main underlying problem with Nintendo's plans and dealings is wasted potential.

Remember the Gamecube? I do. I've got two of them collecting dust in the confines of the guest bedroom. The Gamecube might not have been the awesomest thing since sliced-bread but it had some amazing things that just slipped under the radar. Some people will remember the name "Eternal Darkness" and will recognise what a waste of a good franchise it was. I personally never played it but everyone I know that has only has good things to say about it. But that's all she wrote. Eternal Darkness and its potential slipped into its own namesake, never to be heard from again other than in nostalgic conversations over sips of bitter coffee. And what about the Gamecube-GBA combo? Most people don't even realize there was one but there was. Long before the PS3 and PSP business you could link your GBA to your Gamecube via cable and use the GBA as a controller with a screen. There was one amazingly good game that provided us with uncomparable amounts of three-way co-op fun. That game was Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles; a spin-off of the original franchise that revolves greatly in players playing together and helping each other (not counting Crystal Defenders... *sigh*). There were only around a couple of games that utilized this link feature though so we can only rack that one up as a failure.

And this brings us back to ~~Doh!~~ the Wii. The Wii itself is a landmark of wasted potential. For all its boasting of innovative gameplay with its motion reliant controling, the Wii's game library consist mainly of kiddie games that developers can't afford to port to "real" consoles. And this is what it all comes down to. I don't think the world sees the Wii as a "real console". It's more of a toy. There are no "real" games for it and it seems to me there never was (I say "none" but I know there were a tiny few). So the Wii's repertoire consists mainly of fitness and Barbie Hairdresser games, things even kids won't be caught dead playing because they see the awesome games we "grown-ups" get to play.

It seems to me that Nintendo failed to grasp the change that hit the market. When I was young people had their computer and a console. A console. When the time came to buy, you'd sit down, weigh the pros and the cons and decide which one. Nowadays, when it's time to buy you sit down and wonder which one to buy first. And with all those shiny graphics and things blowing up everywhere, would you rather be playing golf in your living room?

So we bought a Wii. It was novel, it was different and we didn't want to be left behind. We jumped the gun and onto the hype bandwagon. There was potential there, see. We saw the world trying to shift in a new direction, the industry trying to embrace a new formula. We could picture awesome swordfights taking place in our living rooms, we could already see ourselves crouching behind the couch sniping targets on the corner of the screen. Yes, we saw it in our mind's eye but none of that came true. Well sure, you can swordfight but it's closer to shaking a dead fish than actual fighting, the human body being quite adept at discovering the least energy consuming means of doing things. Swinging the remote for the console to register quickly evolved to wiggling it in the most subtle manner possible to achieve the same result. You can call it gimmicky, it's all true. In the end, it didn't prove to be as entertaining as we had all hoped. We all realised that there was a reason we were indoors playing videogames and not outside flinging a frisbee or learning to swordfight.

They failed in one other respect. For a console that aspired to become the family console, with entertainment to unite both friends and family, Nintendo sure turned a blind eye to multiplayer. Yes, you could play together with your friends if you were sharing the same physical space. You could even pack up your Mii and take it with you when you did so. But what if you couldn't go share the same space? What if you were home sick or a hermit? Pffffft, would be the unappealing sound of all your hopes and dreams of some time well spent puffing into smoke. The Wii sports no reliable internet multiplayer interface. In fact, not reliable or of any kind, as far as I know. Boo.

All the big name games that did come out for it were also available for all the other platforms with much more appealing graphics and the gameplay difference wasn't enough to make a difference. Most of the times, the difference in gameplay was just a cheap third-party accessory away. All the exclusive titles were unimpressive enough to fall a long ways short of deal-breaking. The Wii was, as stated above, a failure. Shelves in stores world-wide hold games at mind-blowingly low prices, the dust they're gathering a testimony of their unatractiveness to both kids and parents alike. Like the fat girl all prettied up for a night out on the town with her attractive friends. She's willing but they ain't biting.

Along comes E3 and with it news of a new Nintendo console. Surely they've learned from mistakes of the past. Surely they've realised that if they inovate but don't take advantage of this inovation their place among the powerhouses of console gaming is threatened. We shall see. One thing is for sure: they fail at names. Wii-U? Seriously? With Wii I couldn't help but picture a fat toddler running with scissors to his untimely demise (much like the Wii itself) and now they compound the awful name with a worse suffix. Now I picture an ambulance rushing to the scene to save Nintendo from this nasty fall down the stairs. Wii-U, Wii-U, Wii-U.

Prognosis isn't good. I'm sorry but it doesn't look like there's much we can do for them now but pray.

I am Legion. We are Many.

2011-06-09T12:27:00.002+01:00

Nothing biblical here. Move along. Title refers simply to gamers as a community.

When I was a young girl, adults would look down on consoles and gaming with a patronizing grin. Like they would a really expensive jump rope or... those things you spun around your ankle and then lept over again and again. Lemon Twist, that's it (not to be confused with Lemon Party). My point being, games were not considered, for the most part, a very grown up thing to occupy your time with. Unless, of course, we're talking about some kind of sports game. Whole different... ball park.

My boss here at the internship was asking me how I'd spend my long weekend (Friday and Monday are both holidays) and I said I'd probably stay home and play. I didn't get into any details because he wouldn't get it. He's a "have bbq with folks, play with dog, catch the game on tv" kind of guy. He looked at me and asked 'you're staying in?!' I felt a pang of embarrassment which was quickly subdued by an overwhelming sense of pride. Here I am, part of, what seems to me to be, a massive minority that occupies their time with digital interactive entertainment, AKA, videogames.

Outdated views about what grown-up life should be like are just that: outdated. It says a lot that many of the peolpe I play with are pushing 40. In the olden days, people were lucky if they lived past 25 but things change. Way back when, women couldn't vote or show their ankles but things change. You catch my drift. The things we entertain ourselves with change as well and some people seem a bit slow on the uptake.

But others caught on early and made a pretty penny by starting to mature the games as their target audience matured as well. It's my genuine hope that when I'm 80 and sporting a spiffy robotic hip I'll be playing full 3D mystery games set in nursing homes where you have to figure out who pulled the plug on your best friend down the hall. *sigh* I wish I was retired already...

Anyways. It got me thinking that the share of the active population that actually invests in videogames has grown considerably in the last few years and as those people start having babies of their own, a new generation of gamers is born and raised and the prospect of growing sales in the long run must be something very real to developpers everywhere. But in their greed, their lust for quick and fast profit, they adapt their products to fit and please a wider range of potential costumers, dumbing down games with simplified gameplay and long-winding tutorials. We don't need that. Honest.

Take Minecraft. Do you have to play a tutorial to be able to enjoy it? Do you feel like you can't handle the conrols or gameplay because you didn't play through a few test missions? No. And the game was as successful as we all know it was. Minecraft filled a void in our gaming needs. We needed the freedom and the respect the game showed us. We needed to feel that we were given a free world to do things in and that they trusted us to accomplish whatever it was we set out to do without an omni-present father figure putting up invisible walls lest we hurt ourselves.

What bugs me is that games weren't always so. You had the option of going through a tutorial or you could read the freaking manual. Manuals, they still make them, you know. Just in case you slept through the tutorials all of that useful information is still there, in written form. Games had a learning curve. Wether it was steep or a very slow crawl, they trusted you to get the hang of it on your own without flashy neon signs over most of your playing field advising you on the right order of buttons to press. Makes me feel like they think I'm an idiot. Yeah, they think I'm "special" alright.

Stop making things simple. We don't want that. If games are supposed to be a complex work of craftmanship then I wanna feel the burn. Did you see the reviews Dragon Age 2 got? This is not the way. We don't want simple. We pride ourselves in our game-forged brains. And instead of lowering gaming standards to please a wider audience of mouth-breathers how about stimulating the minds of potential gamers with flashy and addictive games that also provide some kind of challenge?

Ok now the rest of the office is reminiscing how they used to play soccer with their neighbours at 8 am on the weekend when they were kids because there were none of these new fangled computer thingies. I gotta leave now.

WAR: Impart Thy Wisdom

2011-06-08T14:08:00.001+01:00

Even after much time spent in WAR, there are some things I don't know and would like to, mainly:

A good PQ to solo farm as a Sacrifice DoK or as a Magus.

Would be nice if the mobs were human so I can scavenge them as well.

Wasn't there a quest for changing your crafting skill without having to regrind it to 200? Did they remove it? If not, where is it?
The best recipe for armor pots that last a while (not just 5 mins) and the best way to gather such materials.
Best way to make money on the AH. Part of point 1 refers to this as I was thinking of undercutting rank 200 boxes in the AH. But without a reliable source for them, it becomes... troublesome.

If you think you're all that, that you know everything that needs knowing about WAR economy, we want YOU! Queue Uncle Sam's accusing finger!

... please?

WAR: I Killed Onion!

2011-06-07T13:05:00.000+01:00

It says a lot about a guy when you're happy to survive and kill him even when you're 11 ranks apart. Nornites know and respect The Union and I get the feeling Azgal will too, in time.

Anyways, I was passing the time with one of my many Archmages and guess what started to try and kill me? None other than the man himself. Of course, he was alone and I over ranked by forever but hey, a girl's gotta take full advantage of the few pleasures in her life. That's right, my aptly named Archmage survived Badunion and eventually killed him (with a bunch of help).

I admire people that even when they roll alts, they roll the same class. There are some people who were just born for a class I guess. I, unfortunately, was born to play an Archmage only I picked the wrong side when I didn't know any better. Don't get me wrong, I love Destro but it's the Archmage's mechanic and playability and even animations that touch something in my core. There is nothing else on Order side that appeals to me. And I loathe Altdorf with a will.

By the way, if I ever had the time/talent/computer to be able to, I'd make a WAR video honoring Marauders everywhere. And this is the song I'd pick.

WAR: On a Mission

2011-06-02T17:15:00.000+01:00

I'm not home so no accompanying screenshot today.

We was in an EC sc the other day and this one Ironbreaker, whose name started with a "D" but wasn't "Djolle", made it his mission to disrupt the healers. It was quite a tricky scenario with two mostly evenly matched premades. The whole thing must've lasted five minutes (which is pretty long for an EC, you'll agree). From the moment he saw me the dude made it his mission to nag me. I healed, he nagged. I ran, he nagged. I knocked back, he nagged. I detaunted, hit him, ignored him, turned my back to him, turned my face to him, ran to my party, ran away from my party and through all this he nagged. He wasn't actually making a dent, he was just being annoying.

For whatever reason, around minute three he decided to go harrass the other healer. He ran, he nagged. He detaunted, he nagged. He... you get the picture. He had a mission to do and, by God, he was going to do it.

My question is this: seeing as he didn't actually kill any of us, seeing as he wasn't really in guard range of any of his mates most of the time and seeing as he didn't successfully punt anyone off during those five minutes, could it be said that he was actually being useful? Was his effort a valuable one? Was it all worth it?

Going for the healers seems like a good strategy for a tank, at first glance. But when you're not achieving anything palpable, when your side ends up losing the battle, are your good intentions enough? I'm sure he could've punted a few mdps off the platform if he was kiting them around. Maybe not. I know I'd have tried if I was him. Or maybe I'm wrong here? Maybe you should stick to the role assigned to you?

I can't agree with that. I'd rather adapt my behaviour and role to the reality I'm facing at the time. If he was doing jack, why didn't he at least try to do something else?

FFXIII: Pre-Coital Disappointment

2011-05-31T13:55:00.000+01:00

I was looking at our meager shelf of PS3 games, determined to play one now that the PS3 is back on its feet and we finished Little Big Planet 2. Boy, was that ever a disappointment as well. But more on that later.

I looked inquisitively at Valkyria Chronicles and then back at FFXIII. I knew VC wouldn't disappoint me but I'd given up on FFXIII. Maybe I'd been too hasty on giving up on it, maybe I didn't give it the chance it deserved. I mean, a lot of time and money went into its development, it couldn't be that bad, could it?

Every single day my phone's shuffle treats me to some fond memories of the past. I even have two copies of this fanfare in there so it pops up fairly regularly.

The Final Fantasy brand meant something to me. I'll admit though, I'm not the biggest fan of FFVII. I tend to be put off by big hype trains. The first Final Fantasy I actually played was FFVIII. The story thinks too much of itself and takes some ludicrous turns some times. But the gameplay was complex enough to make me want to progress and improve and there were enough side-quests and easter eggs that made me play the game for a very long time. And Tetra Master. Oh my God, I spent a shameful amount of hours playing that card game. It was so simple and yet so addictive. It was so good they made an actual trading card game edition (of which Mike has a few cards still) and I believe there's still an online version of it going strong.

Bear in mind, Final Fantasy has disappointed us before. And when they do, they seem to want to do it twice over. Like, they want to rub it in your face. Remember FFX? Well, they went on to make an FFXII, an absurd sequel with JPop stars double-wielding pistols in skanky outfits. It was very Sailor Moonish and scary. The world didn't like FFXIII either so they squeezed out an FFXIII-2. I refused to even look into it so I have no idea what it's about.

We've had a few gems in between, when Square decides to think outside the box. FFIX was a pretty good try at returning back to the saga's roots. It was entertaining even if the story was a bit lacking. FFXII was a God send and you people have Team Ivalice to thank. From their minds spawned the wonderful Vagrant Story, Final Fantasy Tactics and Final Fantasy XII. They be awesome and I love them and I wish we could see and hear more of them.

But no, Square decided to go back to a more FFX oriented formula of futuristic settings and idiotic stories. Quite. Or maybe they had FFVII in mind seeing as the game also starts with a train. Hmm. No?

All of this went through my brain as I looked at the cover of the box, deciding whether or not I should subject myself to this again. 'Let's save Valkyria for after I'm disappointed in this', I thought. Good omen. And so I pushed the Blueray in.

During those few but long seconds of black screen until the words SquareEnix announced the show was about to start, I went over what I could recall of the story in my head. I knew there were big God-like creatures (aren't there always with these people) and these things made human slaves of sorts for themselves. The story was mostly set on a big moon-like place whose inhabitants had some phobia against the main planet below. I started cringing in fear of its convolutedness even before the intro had started. This was not going well. I pressed New Game and light a cigarette to get me through the long FMV I knew was coming.

You know how these hip japanese developers are. They love small breasted chicks showing off a lot of leg, spiky hair and plenty of jumping. I remembered this intro well and I remembered how much it had put me off the whole things. I swallowed back all these feelings and focused on finding positive things about the game, valid reasons for why I was wasting my time with this game yet again.

I'll shock you now, oh you that has played, feared and loathed the game, and tell you that I don't really mind the Paradigm system. It is very much like the Rift soul swapping system only for an entire party and you can do it mid-battle. You can resort to a mix of three characters and choose from tank, dps, rdps and healing clichés, switching around as needed. Too bad that the first time you are faced with a boss battle in which you actually get to change your Paradigm you have to do exactly what the tutorial tells you to or you die. Repeatedly. And the shifting animation takes a long time while the battle doesn't pause during it.

And that's another thing. They do love their tutorials, don't they? Last time I played the game I was getting tutorials on after four hours of playing. You'd think I'd have gotten the gist of things by then, no? The game makes it a point to tell you how stupid you are and takes you by the hand through a series of narrow hallways and repetitive enemy encounters. There isn't a single point where you can deviate from the story which you probably are having a hard time following. 'This is what you have to do and this is where you have to go,' the game will explain in a patronizing tone. 'Here, let's have another tutorial and I can show you how it's done.'

The characters are... well, let's just said that I didn't fall in love with them. I loved Balthier in FFXII from the moment I saw him. There was something specially pretentious about him (maybe you can blame Mr. Gideon Emery for my love of Balthier and fascination with Fenris). I can say I didn't really like-like any single character in FFXIII, orphaned kids, annoying kids, spiky haired femme fatales, cocky bulky hormone-ridden dudes. And Serah! God, they spend an absurdly long time yelling out 'Serah! Serah!' You know how irritating that is? Every single Sarah in a game or movie is either dying or dead or raped or missing or... Urgh. Not interested. And the story wasn't realing me in either nor was the gameplay, to be honest, and I knew there was a grinding period approaching, seeing as my reluctance to grind made me hit a wall of a boss the first time I played through it.

So I casually dismissed the game again. Not even the music was vaguely interesting. Their recycling of at least one FFX theme was annoying enough. My advice? Don't play it. It's not worth it. I'm not sure it's even worth you reading this review. Shiva is a two-broad bike ffs!

WAR: Veteran's Prerogative

2011-05-30T13:18:00.000+01:00

I'm a veteran WAR player. You know what that means to me? To the world in general? To Mythic? It means I've had to put up with a lot of crap, a lot of bugs, injustices and bad ideas. And it means that I've paid my way through the better part of two years to do so.

I have wasted millions of renown points thanks to a renown rank cap they removed after I've gotten 5 characters to 40. I wasted dozens of hours going through PvE instances hoping for healing gear that seldom dropped, gear I eventually acquired right in time for them to implement the Harbringer changes that made all Intelligence based gear relevant to a healing Zealot. I have been pulverized by bombers, Slayer trains and every other FotM OP class. I have been overhealed for no good reason other than shorter cast times. I've been outDPSed on account of the bad class implementation bat. I've lain dead on the ground with healers trouncing all over my dead body after I've rezzed them consecutively for minutes. I've been robbed of loot and fights over crashes and graphical bugs. I've been branded a quitter when the game fumbles in loading screens. I have acquired currency that was never enough to use and has now been rendered useless. I've been killed by mobs, enemy players, backlash, guard, falling, shrubbery, walls, pebbles, Something. And, for all of this, I've paid a monthly fee.

I'm not bitter. When I get bitter I stop paying and I stop playing (as I have before). Life's too short to do something only to complain about it. I do, however, feel entitled to certain things. I will exploit the shit out of the game at any chance I get if I can get away with it without any negative repurcussions to me or my guild. I think I deserve it. I think I've endured enough bad decisions and managerial tomfoolery to warrant some shady business. Haven't we all? From being robbed silly in our real life accounts to putting up with game breaking bugs (like when some keeps became unattackable and all you could do was stare at them) we've put up with our share of shit. For a fee.

Quality in a product is not too much for a paying costumer to ask for. I don't feel I've always gotten what I paid for. In fact, I feel that people that have been paying for less time than me have it easier, what with their freshly turned 40s being over rr60. I'm not gonna beg for goodies, though. I've been paying and playing of my own accord. I wasn't forced into it. I do feel under appreciated which is probably why I feel no remorse in taking advantage of my good old mates, the bugs and exploits. I've never used third party out-right cheating tools but I've never had to. The game itself provides almost every tool for the kind of exploitation I feel entitled to. I'm a girl from the 3-manning in balcony keep takes era.

Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me a cheater? Do I care? Should I care? For what it's worth, I seldom do anything shady with my main. What she is, for better or worse, is made of pure skill. But my alts... I've got a whole batallion of them. I can't always play fair. And I don't want to. It takes two to play fair. Right Mythic? After all, after all your msitakes and threats of new ones, I keep coming back. Where's my kiss on the cheek and pat on the head? When is it my turn to sit on your lap and tell you what I want? I've been a good girl all these years. Well, mostly.

Surviving Real Life, Barely

2011-05-26T14:23:00.000+01:00

So real life's been a bit shitty lately. This internship is gobbling up most of my time. Even now I'm typing very slowly as to not make much noise and call attention to myself. The work itself is certainly not up my creek: organizing credit applications for people qho can´t afford them. Why someone that makes 600€ a month takes out a 10.000€ loan to pay 3.000€ worth of credit card debt is beyond me. And I'm helping this. And I hate it.

It's the same thing country-wise. So our international debt is paying paid off by some entity that's gonna charge us the same amount plus 6% interest? So, if we couldn't pay our debts before why would we pay them this time? What's the point? Greedy bastards, the lot of them.

Anyways. On to happier topics.

I've got nothing. I've been playing WAR on an almost daily basis. Just had a ToVL run yesterday. Managed to take a relatively green group up to the 7th boss. I rocked some awesome comebacks on near wipes in trash mobs but I was getting a bit bitchy and testy when we got to the 5th one. Seriously, what's with that? What's with the annoying bosses that are just annoying for the sake of being annoying?

I get most bosses. The first one tests your ability to kockdown. Always a handy skill to have. The second tests my individual ability to kite, regardless of lag. The third tests, for a healer, their HoTs effectiveness and for everyone, tests their spatial awareness and reflexes in jumping out of bombs. The 4th boss tests how well you work in a team and how well you can keep an eye and assist your fellow team-mates.

Now the 5th boss tests... your luck in NPC pathing, your luck in the mobs you get, your luck with parrying, your absolute luck with critical heals. Even if you know your place, your rotation, your duty, even if you know the sure-fire route to PvE victory, WAR weaves a bit of its PvP soul into it, adding a scent of unpredictability. I think that's why they keep the dungeon buggy. So it's always different, always novel in a weird non-agreeable way. Like when the 5th boss drops from the world and takes a stroll around the third boss' turf (he is, in fact the 3rd, 4th and 5th boss so I guess he's entitled).

And if by some miracle only one person dies and you make it to the sixth boss you then have to cope with the most horrendously boring PvE encounter ever designed. I wouldn't even mind having to heal thrice as much if it would take a third of the time to down them. Then when we're 20% of one scorpion's health away from winning I get swallowed by the world and I get a bit more testy.

By the time you get to the 7th boss you've seen enough of egyptian themed mobs to poke your eyes out. Getting all the aura colors right and fleeing the running mobs and not bumping into clouds can be a bit overwhelmind, seeing as all you've been doing for the last 10-30 minutes of your life has been banging on scorpions and jumping up and down on pillars.

If by some weird twist of fate you get to the 8th boss (after you've dealt with the bird staircase of doom) be prepared to learn his speech by heart because groups tend to get a bit wipey before getting its working down pat.

Well this turned out a bit like a short guide to ToVL which wasn't my intention at all. I've got so much stuff I want to share and so little time to do it in. Weird that it was ToVL what I ended up blabbing about. I don't particularly enjoy doing it past the third boss and I don't really need to do it anymore, not in my main anyway (which is the only one geared well enough for it).

I wanted to talk about my Little Big Planet adventures or my Tribulations with Phoenix Wright. Maybe finally write up a review of ME, ME2, DA or DA2. Or even talk about that inspiring city siege the other day when we turned things around so astoundingly that we were called 'unfair'.

But I write unscripted as silly as that may seem, and I don't have enough time to purge all my thoughts to keyboard.

Oh well. Here's an unrelated thingy that always cheers me up.

Shockingly Good!

2011-05-18T18:54:00.000+01:00

Ok, not really a shock. He's a very intelligent man to be honest. But he rarely decides to comit his thoughts to post. I'm very glad he did. And in doing so he managed to sum up my life in WAR since inception.

Thanks for that.

And now I leave you with the story of John. John lived and died doing what he loved. They both did. You have to admire their spirits.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

WAR: Rank My Sorc Up!

2011-05-17T12:29:00.002+01:00

Wasn't Prodigy great? No? Well, I liked them. Did you know they were named after the Moog Prodigy? No? Well, now you do. You're very welcome.

So I rolled yet another Archmage (can you believe it's my third?) but this time I did it on Norn. Hey, if I can, I will. Maybe one day she'll be high enough to contend with the likes of... Seeno. Grr.

But since I've been healing non-stop on my main and I was afraid to get bored with it (again) I decided to go make the rounds on all my alts. I regeared my Sorceress, wittingly named Pirilampo Mágico (I don't think I purchased a second name yet though), and off I went to try and kill stuff. And by God, I killed lots of stuff. Doombolting willy nilly in scenarios. I find that killing other players is actualy quite enjoyable. Imagine my shock!

Ploiter heal Champion hiding in the spawn point. Classy.
We pulled him out and killed him. 75k renown.

I'm really looking forward to playing her again. In fact, wtf am I doing here?

Weird Shit I Listen To

2011-05-16T17:26:00.000+01:00

I'm swamped today. And I supposedly have a ToVL run later.

Here's something I've listened to until my ears bled.

Supplies!

2011-05-16T13:43:00.000+01:00

You know, from that joke where a chinese man jumps out from a crate?

I started an intership today (in fact im due back there in 30 minutes) so my blogging time has been severely cut into. At least until I know if I can or not blog in there.

In related news, I dinged rr75 and had a real nice time healing slices and dices in WAR, most remarkably a few EPIC scraps in Dragonwake and a Chaos Wastes Battle Royale yesterday.

Parsion said it best: "I'm much happier being shit in WAR than I was being shit in Rift."

WAR: Fictitious Roles

2011-05-11T16:35:00.000+01:00

One thing I will miss about Rift is the viability of the Role system, where you had different speccs you could equip with the press of a few buttons, virtually anytime and anywhere. My cleric was a perfectly capable tank and DPS if the need arose.

If you compare it with, say, WAR, the different spec trees leave a lot to be desired. I'm not saying there isn't a way for a healer to be a respected DPSer but you need to have spent a very long time studying a good gear set, spec and rotation. Not to mention you better be a high enough renown rank (for the gear and the renown passive skills) and have enough money to be respecing around as needed.

For example, I have a rr30 DoK I love to play in Sacrifice spec. I've heard Sacrifice isn't really viable, that you should pick either pure heal or pure DPS if it's a DoK you rolled but Sacrifice speaks to me. Same thing with my Shaman. He's currently around rr30 as well and, until T4 I always played a pure Da Green spec which was impactful in any battle. But when you reach the major leagues you're expected to be useful, even if against a premade of >rr90s. How are you supposed to do that? Just last night I heard bitching about a DPS DoK.

Before 1.4 I had respeced them both into pure healers just to get them to rr50 so they'd be able to wear a mix of Conqueror and Invader. Needless to say I didn't get there, mostly because that's not the play style I was looking for in alternative healers. When I want to heal I'll use my main. But I made the effort. Now, with the gear shifting, they're both able to wear at least Conqueror. But now we're up against even higher renowned players and going to battle with a character in its 30s just seems a bit underwhelming.

Nobody seems to want a healer that isn't there mainly to heal in their parties. Groups will ask for tanks and groups will ask for healers. They might even ask for Magi. But they'll rarely ask for a damage dealing healer. For PvP at least. PvE is another story entirely. Which is a shame because exploring other ways of playing our characters would increase the longevity of the game. Or maybe I just suck at DPS healers and am just making excuses for it. :)

I was asked to log in my Shaman once.

Although I did play as a Squig Herder for most of the night I was asked to log in my Shaman at some point (I'm pretty sure that's me at the bottom left corner at 0:35). Why? Well, we were all going to die anyway and we might as well have someone there to insta rez a few gits.

You get a pretty accurate remark about bombing warbands in the last 10 seconds of the video.

WAR: Things I'd Do

2011-05-10T14:52:00.001+01:00

I'm bored.

Whenever a faction won a city siege I'd host a special event in their capital city, the scope and size of which would depend on the number of successful instances that faction had had. There would be a big celebration, warriors would be allowed to dance, for once, expressing their joy for finally accomplishing something. Scantily dressed ladies would hand out AP potions to entertained passersby. There would be fireworks and celebratory music, taking advantage of the wonderful sound staff that Mythic obviously has. For five minutes, that is, then it would be back to bashing as usual.

It just seems to me that when you win a big battle and nothing happens, it kind of defeats the purpose of it happening at all. Sure, we get phat lewt but this is supposed to be beyond loot. It's about winning over the other side. It's about having your ideals proven superior over what ~~the Orders~~ your opponents believe in.

Now I've managed to get some wonderful mental pictures of Chosens grinding Zealots, DoKs and Witch Elves taking their tops off, Blackguards twirling their spears and Orcs playing any kind of appropriate percussion instrument, like the corpse of a Slayer. I mean, is there anyhting in the lore that says warriors can't have fun? Especially Greenskins, I bet dem bitches have tons of fun.

In related news.

Mythic recently asked what we like about crafting.

What is your favorite aspect of the current crafting system?

My views will mostly reflect talisman making as it is what I'm more familair with. I like it that the grinding up to the useful items isn't as tedious as it could be (I will refer you to my battle against burlap). Also, you can make items that are useful for any level, depending solely on the crafting supplies you use (once you're 200 that is). I have pushed my alts up a notch above teh noobs due mostly to the talismans I am able to craft for them. Feels lovely.

What do you consider the most useful item(s) that can be produced in the current crafting system?

Crit talismans, Power talismans, liniments and armor potions. I just listed the only things that derive from crafting that I actually use. And you can limit the liniments to the ones that give power and crit. All others are just junk in mah trunk.

What single aspect do you feel is lacking in the current crafting system?

Diversity. Useful diversity that is. I've got two rows of useless liniments in my bank that I'll never use and nobody will ever buy.

What if you could specialise in different types of talismans or potions? Or if you were able to combine useful effects from some with others. You could even put some kill quests in there to learn or use these specializations. Like, say, you could pretend a key ingredient for that awesome new potion you wanted to make was A Bright Wizard's Scorched Heart or a Slayer's Left Big Toe. You'd have to go and kill a whole bunch of players to make your best stuff.

What type of item(s) or benefit(s) do you feel are lacking in the current crafting system?

Or about Octopus Twohanders?
And we'd call them Takoto!

Jewelry. For goodness sake I can't even begin to think of the hours I've sobbed over the lack of caster jewelry sets. Sure there are plenty of others (Strife&Torment, Ascendant Verses&Deep Oaths, The Lost Vale set, the one you have to kill a billion gnoblars to get; these are all very tankish) What if you could make some jewelry to get you going until you can find a decent jewelry set for your caster, AKA, ToVL.

Oh. A girl can dream...

WAR: Smile, Even Though It's Breaking

2011-05-09T16:52:00.001+01:00

By the time I give up on it completely I'll have covered the entirety of the song's lyrics.

It seems that every time I need hope rekindled in the game, there's only one man who's right for the job. But I guess that comes with the job description when you're a guild leader.

Apart from the whole "when the master says JUMP you say how high" commandment, the massive multiplayer bit is the only reason I play MMORPGs at all and I missed the regular KF multitude. I was so disenchanted with Rift that they all eventually ground their way to 50 while I was still in my 20s. So when the rally call came, there I went, if a bit begrudgingly.

I was a chick once.

I was afraid, see. Afraid that I'd get there and things were as they were and I'd feel inadequate. We hadn't seen each other for a while, I didn't know how I'd face the game or how the game would treat me. First of all, thank God for Worn Sovereign. Too bad it came some 5 ranks too late. I was 5% into rr74, on my way to my first Sovereign set piece. Still I ended up spending all my money buying full Worn Sov. It's the first time since Devastator that I've worn a full gear set. I lost some 70 Willpower by not combining it with Warlord or Tyrant but I earned a nice proc (whatever% chance to increase healing power by 100). But I lost a tactic slot (had to equip Discipline) and many Wounds talis to get my Willpower back to over 1050.

So, was the game all I had hoped it would be? No, it wasn't. I've been burnt before, I won't be easily satisfied now. C'mon Mythic, you saw this coming. We're never the same when we come back. We're always more cynical, more ceptical, more defiant.

And yet, I had fun. Get those jaws dropping because I did. I had a wonderful time. From healing under the bridge in Gromril's Crossing and dodging the limp corpse of a Runepriest as it fell from the battle above to impressive keep sieges where my heal-debuffing Morale 4 foiled many a push, I had a good time. I'm not as effective as I once was but I expected that. I've been there. I'll get over it.

I had forgotten how completely frustrating some players (and guilds) can be. I thought 'I did not miss this', after being pummelled into submission by Pohlice Brutality for the fifth time but then I reconsidered. How do you know if you're any good if you don't have good players on the other side to contend against? So I guess I did miss Pohlice and Djolle and Sejanus and all the BWs with two braincells to rub together (no, jk, I don't miss those). I even named my flash drive after Sejanus. True story. Just not that one.

Also, WAR got Marillion in my head.

For various reasons:

Aylesbury
The ambiguous name Khalie which I'm not entirely sure how to pronounce.
Fish
Fish's hairdresser
WAR is it too late to say I'm sorry? And WAR could we get it together again?
I just can't go on pretending that it came to a natural end
WAR, oh I never thought I'd miss you
And WAR I thought that we'd always be friends
We said our love would last forever
So how did it come to this bitter end?

I couldn't let it end on that note, so suddenly, so abruptly. I'm sure there are still some Mythic people out there that love the game as much as I do so I'll give them another chance to make it worthwhile to give them my money. I will try to not get as invested in the game as before, though. It's been twice now that we've broken up. This "on again, off again" shtick just isn't for me.

Drakengard: Dragon Ate Your Tongue?

2011-05-06T19:27:00.000+01:00

And then there are a few scenes you just don't think you'll ever see in your life time, things that don't even cross your mind may exist, let alone in a Square Enix videogame. For me, one such episode was one of the endings of this game Drakengard.

Drakengard came out back in 2004 but, to this day, it remains imprinted in my mind as a great, revolutionary game that completely changed my expections of Square Enix games. I was, like most of us were, used to the addictive yet light hearted nature of games such as Final Fantasy and... Front Mission? Anyways, I first got my hands on it because my boyfriend at the time had a part-time job reviewing games for a magazine (if only I'd played my cards right at the time). I was expecting a light game with dragons. Maybe a bit of flying around, a bit of passable dialogue, a bit of lighting things on fire.

The game went beyond all my expectations and delivered a solid story, good voice acting and absolutely purgative as well as addictive gameplay. The soundtrack was powerful enough to keep up with the game's pace which was pretty intense.

The main premise of the game was that Caim, a young prince who had seen his parents murdered by a dragon, now found his life tied to that of a dragon in order to save his own. He underwent such a ritual so he could, in turn, go and save his sister Furiae. The dragon agreed to this pact because it was dying itself. After this co-dependency pact, Caim loses his voice but gains a dragon. A fair trade, if you ask me.

I must say, the details of the game become a little fuzzy (it has been seven years since I played it) but I remember that, apart from the main gameplay, there were a few bits where you did get to fly around and blow stuff up on dragonback. Which is always a plus in my book. But the main gameplay consisted of you picking up a big sword of your choosing and hacking and slashing through hordes of baddies. Baddies on foot, baddies on horses, big baddies, smaller baddies... And this, ladies and gentlemen, was what made me play this game.

It was absolutely cathartic to just pick up a big sword and slash the heads off pixelated opponents. And there were hundreds of them over a pretty big map. You had the option of collecting said swords and upgrading them. 'And how, pray tell, did you upgrade said swords?' you ask, your eyes all atwinkle. By killing more baddies. Oh, the bliss. This engine reflected the co-dependency between you and your dragon: you needed swords to kill things and you needed to kill things to better your swords. At the time, I couldn't and wouldn't ask for anything more.

The game didn't receive that many great reviews and it probably never will what with its outdated everything. But I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was out of the norm and it had a solid base: it entertained both by bloodthirsty thumbs and my story hungry mind. Which leads us to the event I mentioned at the beggining.

Drakengard had a multitude of endings. By multitude I mean around 5. My bad. But the FMV leading to the end (I'm not sure if it was to all of them or just a specific one) was what marked me. 'Wow,' I said, all those years ago. 'Naked babies falling from a red sky. I did not see that coming.' And I didn't. And, to this day, I never expect to see it again. It might not be everyone's cup of tea but it worked for me.

On skimming the Drakengard Wikipedia article, I gathered that one of the endings was actually a bridge to a new Square Enix game: Nier. Although Drakengard had a sequel (originally titled "Drakengard 2", who picks up from a different Drakengard ending) I never got around to playing it, possibly because I was so content with the first one.

But I might try out Nier. I recently watched a Zero Punctuation review on it and, seeing as I don't recall Yahtzee being particularly harsh on the game, it might even be any good.

I'm sidetracking again. My main point in dragging Drakengard from the grave is: repetition may not always be a bad thing IF that's what you're looking for. When I played Drakengard, running around the field slashing things and opening crates was what I was looking for and it was extremely rewarding. I got to see some weird ass shit as a result, too. So, for me, Drakengard was an extremely rewarding game and one that set the bar for the entertainment value of other games. Hmmm, mindless slashy goodness.

A Palavra Será Apatia

2011-05-06T15:46:00.000+01:00

Ou eu nasci muito à frente dos tempos ou muito atrás. Ou o meu lugar no mundo ainda não foi inventado, ou fui feita para um tempo em que nada seria esperado de mim além de procriação. Qualquer uma destas opções parece e até bem que pode ser uma desculpa mas não deixa de ser verdade. Não sei bem se devo culpar a sociedade ou a mim mesma por a minha pessoa como ela é não se enquadrar na roda viva do "emprego". Porque é que crescer e ser economicamente financeiro tem que ser sinónimo de infelicidade monótona e apática? Parece-vos saudável? Que eu duvide das minhas capacidades, que a minha auto-estima estremeça, que me ache menor só por não querer sucumbira ao manto cinzento de dormência que cobre tudo o resto? Ora por um lado me puxam para a convicção de que só se vive uma vez, que as nuvens que vemos só as veremos desta vez, ora me dizem para não sair da fila, para andar ao mesmo ritmo, que ser crescido é assim, que a infelicidade é o curso natural da vida, que o melhor da vida já eu o passei.

Ou seja, convencem-me de que tenho que aproveitar cada segundo e de que cada segundo tenho que o passar a fazer algo para o matar. E ando eu a matar tempo enquanto o tempo me mata a mim. Estou farta desta apatia, desta afasia, desta filha da putaria.

Lutaram tanto pelo 25 de Abril. Quem me dera a mim lá ter estado, ter tido essa motivação. Era a altura em que a relutância dos tempos em mudar tinha consequências graves como a morte ou encarceramento. Hoje, temos o aumento dos impostos. Não tem a mesma urgência. Não tem o mesmo tom melódico. Não incita as massas à rebelião. "25 de Abril Sempre", gritam eles, na esperança que o 25 de Abril não seja nunca mais.

Meu Deus, deve haver alguma coisa lá fora para mim! Alguma coisa fora do normal! Alguma coisa que eu não estou a ver! Foi-me prometida felicidade. Foi-me prometida tanta coisa. Porque me tiram o Fizz de limão e o Calippo de Coca-Cola e me dão trinta Magnums que sabem todos a cartão? (Mentira, eu até gosto de Magnum. É gelado, porra!) Onde estão os carros voadores que me foram prometidos? E os hologramas? E a Terra ainda não escoou derretida pelo buraco da camada e a Skynet também não acordou. Mas o Captain Planet ainda não se livrou da poluição. Ainda ontem comprei estas calças, já hoje não lhes caibo. Mas prometeram-me um futuro que não vejo realizado.

É agora que a minha paz de espírito se transforma em apatia de espírito. Como sempre, e como todos, sempre tive a sensação, melhor, a crença de que tudo se resolveria. Porque, afinal, se a televisão nos ensinou alguma coisa é que a vida continua, independentemente do que façamos. Cada vez parece que me importo menos, cada vez me sinto menos incomodada por FMIs, troicas, baldroicas, eleições e governos. E quem de nós quer verdadeiramente saber? Sim, pois, há as juventudes partidárias mas também as há para motards e adeptos de tuning e não vemos o país a ser governado por veículos motorizados. Já não queremos saber; o espírito revolucionário está em coma.

Conclusão? Como disse o japonês mirradinho que interpelaram nas notícias no outro dia "os portugueses têm que perceber que os trabalhadores e o patronato têm que trabalhar em conjunto para serem todos mais felizes, não o contrário. Se não quiserem todos o mesmo não funciona. Não dá." Faço do dele o meu conselho. Animem-se; vejam a Rua Sésamo e aprendam a ser amigos e dar as mãos. Já agora, aproveitem e vejam o Conde de Contar, dará muito jeito quando chegar a altura dos impostos.

Não foi isto mais do que um devaneio, uma série de pensamentos, sentimentos, sem nexo que jorraram por meus dedos. Que verborreia. Não teve nenhum fio condutor isto, pois não? Nenhum sentido maior, nenhum grande propósito. Mais uma infantilidade, mais uma perda de tempo. Mais uma perca de tempo. Solha.

Que fome que isto agora me deu.

Mass Effect 3: Fangirly Drool

2011-05-05T13:35:00.000+01:00

There are certain episodes in your life that help you define and reaffirm what you are.

I'm a girl. A fangirl. I am a Kaidan Alenko fangirl. And yes, it's mostly (if not completely) due to Raphael Sbarge's sexy voice.

Which is why I was so flamboyantly excited when I found this in BioWare's Facebook.

'OMG OMG!' my over-excited brain yelled. 'It's Kaidan. I get to see him again. I get to nag him about professing his undying love for me and then shoving me off when some shady characters he had no particularly strong feelings towards had brought me back from the dead!'

Oh, yeah. And Liara's back too, apparently. Yay.

WAR: Reminiscing

2011-05-03T19:04:00.000+01:00

Oh WAR, how you broke my heart. All the fond memories, and all the wasted potential. I loved you WAR. Deep inside, I still do. I will find myself staring out my window thinking about all the cool times we had together. The strolls on the beach, the picnics on the hills, the wipes in the last boss in ToVL, those Darkpromise boots you didn't want to get for me... We were an item, WAR, we were a thing. But I felt like you didn't care. Like my feelings didn't matter to you. I loved you and you played with me when I should've been the one playing you.

Seriously now, I was looking through my screenshots and all these feelings came rushing back. WAR had this flavour, see. It left a gritty flavor on your tongue, like you'd actueally been riding on the back of a Cold One in the dirt for hours. There would be dozens of us, defying the laws of real men; dozens of us occupying the same coordinates, keeping our Orcs quiet while we laid an ambush behind a rock or inside a tent. We would be so patient, so generous with our time. And, sure enough, they'd start pouring from the hillside or across the bridge, ripe and ready for us to deploy our forces on their flanks and rear. It's a wonderful feeling, seeing enemy characters you know are controlled by real people run for their lifes or giving in to the inevitability of your supremacy.

Hi Hun! ^_^

But that (PvP) wasn't everything I loved. I even loved the PvE, Maker forgive me. Running dungeons was easy and most times rewarding. I liked kiting the 2nd ToVL boss. I was good at it. And the other bosses were entertaining if not entirely bug-free. It was a good change of pace; we would have this scripted encounters to test builds and tactics for more unscripted ones.

But who am I kidding, PvP was what WAR was all about. The yells and screams of tanks and healers alike succumbing to the unrelenting bombing of a Wizard-centric Warband; the throngs of half dead characters spawning on healers in the back lines of a keep take. These things I haven't seen since. These things, this frenetic pace, this sense of urgency, that whatever it is you can contribute with you better do it quick, I miss. I'm not saying there aren't other games out there that can provide similar feelings and adventures but WAR was it for me. It was my first, my one and only. The game that made me feel like I had something to tell the world. And now it's little more than a painful reminder of happier times.

You learned to respect some names, some groups in the battlefield and you learned to disregard others. You knew who was who not because of trolling or other forms of epeen stroking but through their skill and efficiency. At least that was true for me. I was never into that whole forum thing.

Ah, WAR... If only you'd listened to us. If only you'd done it sooner. I feel like coming back, I really, genuinely do. But the part where I said WAR broke my heart was no joke. It's somewhat disheartening loading up a character you've spent years loving to find it's near to useless. I couldn't play a rr75ish healer against... anything without dying a gruesome death within the first few seconds of an encounter.

I don't know what the future holds for WAR and for me. I just miss it's epicness, the feeling of hundreds of people focusing on one goal, one ideal, one sentence: "Red is dead."

Little Big Smackdown

2011-05-02T16:43:00.001+01:00

With the PS3 back on its feet Mike looked at me with his big puppy dog-eyes, wagging his tail and pointing his snout at the Little Big Planet box. Although the memory of an electrified wheel that halted our progress through the game still haunted my dreams, I caved in. He did fix the damn thing, after all.

Still, I also remembered having a lot of good laughs with the game. Pulling him back at the last minute causing him to fail-jump into a spiky death was always a crowd pleaser. That and him smacking me around with a frying pan in response.

The game is actually quite fun and doesn't scream "kiddy-timesink". We're both mature (*snicker*) adults and we thoroughly enjoy spending our post dinner/pre bedtime break hours getting through the levels. It's like Doritos: Crash Course only with more levels and more customization and... more fun. then again, it isn't for free like DCC is. It's also possibly the one platformer that I can in all honesty say I like (not counting Prince of Persia. And that Outland thingy looked somewhat cool in the demo... Damn you Ubisoft!)

It's not completely fair to me, though, when we play LBP. We only have one PS3 controller so I end up connecting my old PS2 one using the good old reliable "Orange Dragon" as I always called it, due to the fact that the thing is orange and the brand has a "dragon" in its name somewhere. It's cool that it works but the signal gets mixed up and the X and O are switched and so are SQUARE and TRIANGLE. The left analog stick is all wonky so thank heavens you don't need it in LBP for anything apart looking gangsta. START and SELECT are also switched. All this means is that my brain goes through an extra loop whenever I get on-screen indications.

Long story short, Mike got it in his head that he'd buy LBP2 to get a "cheaper" second controller. Oh well. I think I still have some Guitar Hero stickers left (after I spent an obscene amount covering something up on our bathroom wall) that I can decorate my new controller with. And maybe I can convince him to play some pew-pew games with me. We did enjoy Army of Two when we tried the demo together, which is the only way to play it apparently. Too bad we yell so much at each other about who's going to kill what and split screen makes our heads hurt.